Page 148 of Dual
“Can you tell me about those harder days?”
Anna’s expression grows more serious. “Sometimes I get scared,” she admits quietly. “Like this is all too good to be true. Like something’s going to come along and ruin it.”
The confession hits me like a punch to the gut. “Anna...”
“I know it’s not rational,” she says quickly. “But I justkeep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I keep thinking maybe I don’t get to be this happy.”
Dr. Ezra leans forward slightly. “Where do you feel that fear in your body?”
Anna closes her eyes, one hand still rubbing Connor’s back. “In my chest. Like there’s a weight sitting right here.” She touches the space between her breasts. “Sometimes it gets so heavy I can’t breathe properly.”
“And when you’re holding Connor? How does that feel different?”
A soft smile crosses her face. “Lighter. Like he anchors me to right now instead of letting me float away to all the bad things that might happen.”
I watch her with our son, the way her breathing evens out when he’s in her arms, and something fierce and protective rises in my chest. “She’s learning to stay present,” I say. “Both of them are.”
“Is that challenging for you, Domhnall? Having Anna more grounded?”
The question surprises me. “Challenging how?”
“Well, you’ve spent years being the strong one, the protector. But now Anna is more capable of protecting herself. How does that feel?”
I consider this, absently reaching over to stroke Connor’s tiny hand where it’s fisted in Anna’s shirt. “Different. Good different. Like...” I struggle for the right words. “Like I finally get to be a partner instead of a caretaker.”
“Can you give me anexample?”
Anna grins. “He lets me drive now.”
“Barely,” I mutter, but I’m smiling. “And only because you threatened to walk if I didn’t.”
“I did not threaten to walk. I pointed out that I’m a grown woman perfectly capable of operating a motor vehicle.”
“After you’d been up three nights straight with Connor.”
“Mads was driving those nights,” Anna says with a shrug. “She’s got better reflexes when we’re tired.”
Dr. Ezra looks intrigued. “How do you navigate those transitions? When you need different strengths?”
“Practice,” Anna says simply. “And trust. I trust Mads to take over when I can’t handle something, and she trusts me to come back when it’s safe.”
“And I trust both of them,” I add, meaning it completely. “Took me a while to get there, but... they’re both mine. Both ours,” I correct, glancing at Connor.
“That’s beautiful,” Dr. Ezra says, and there’s genuine warmth in his voice. “How has your physical relationship adapted to these changes?”
Anna’s cheeks flush pink, and I can’t help but grin. Even after all this time, she still gets shy when we talk about sex.
“It’s... evolving,” she says carefully.
“We’re managing,” I add, my voice dropping to that register that always makes her breath catch. “Though we’ve had to get creative with timing.”
“Connor’s nap schedule is very important to us,” Anna says primly, then ruins the effect by biting her lip in that way that makes me want to devour her.
Dr. Ezra chuckles. “And both you and Mads are comfortable with emotional intimacy now?”
“Getting there,” Anna says. “Mads is still... skittish sometimes. But she’s trying new things.”
“Like?”
