Page 5 of Dual
"Survive what?" he asks, his tone sharper now, like he's trying to catch me before I retreat too far.
Everything. Myself. You.
I open my mouth to answer, but the words stick. I realize I can't do this—not here, not now. The truth is a weapon, and there's so much he and the girl still don't know. Can never know.
"I have to go," I say instead, turning toward the door even as my chest aches with the need to stay.
His voice stops me before I can take another step. "Don't run from me, Mads. Not this time. I love you."
His voice stops me cold.Don't run from me, Mads. Not this time.
The words pierce through me. I keep my back to him, my fingers curling into fists at my sides to keep them from trembling. He's always known how to see me—really see me—and that's the most dangerous thing of all.
I take a slow, shaky breath, willing my heart to stop racing. "I'm not running," I say, though my voice cracks on the lie. "I'm just… leaving."
"Leaving just for now, though, right? Will ya be back by mornin', love?" he asks, and there he is again, the vulnerable boy shining through the features of the grown man.
I love him so much it hurts. I want to beg him to put me in chains at his bedside again. I'm afraid of all that's bubbling and boiling in this cauldron inside me.
Leash me. Handcuff me. Tie me in knots but never, ever let me go.
I want you, he said, and I saw in his eyes he meant it.
And I want him. He's the only thing I've ever wanted. Wanting him taught me the meaning of the word. Even without manacles, I know I'll be chained to him for all time.
But the girl.
The girl could ruin everything.
If I don't put her back in the box, lock it, and throw thekey deep in the abyss where it can never, ever be found, ruin could come for us all.
So, in that moment, I decide to do what has to be done.
"Yes, I'll be back by morning."
And then I sprint away from him, shoving through the back door of the club and out into the night.
THREE
ANNA
I wake up and,like always, look for Domhn beside me. He's not there, and I sigh a little, but I'm not really fussed. I know he has to wake up early to work. He took so much time off right when I got back. I'm glad that we're settling into a routine.
I flop my head back on the pillow and grin like a goose. Am I actually allowed to be this happy?
I look over at Domhn's side again and touch the pillow lingeringly where it dips from his head. He could obviously afford any size bed, but he keeps it to a queen so we stay close while we're asleep. Often I wake up to him still bear-cuddling me, but I'm not sure where he thinks I'd be wandering to,anyway. He swears he doesn't even mind my kicking, which is something I had no idea I even do.
I stretch my arms up over my head. I feel well-rested for the first time in forever. For once, did I not have a nightmare? Oh please, oh please, oh please.
I never want to deny Mads any time with Domhn, but Dr. Ezra and I are also hoping she won't only come out at night without me being aware of what's going on. Sometimes there aren't such hard memory blocks between us, but not always. Lately, she's been blocking me out more.
I bite my bottom lip.
I'm sure it's nothing to worry about…
It's still enough to have me hopping out of bed, anyway. I always feel better once I've kissed Domhn good morning. Then I can get on to my schoolwork. Domhn says I don't ever have to work, but I want to. And more than that, I want to be educated in the way I was never allowed my whole life. I'm starting with just online classes, but maybe after I get a little more confidence, I'll try in-person ones.
I skip down the hall, about to head to the stairs toward Domhn's office, when I hear clattering in the kitchen that diverts my path.
