Page 45 of Dual
The perfect picture of a man who has everything under control.
What a fucking lie.
I hear Anna before I see her, the gentle patter of herfeet coming up behind me, followed by the scent of her perfume—jasmine with an undertone of vanilla. She slides her arms around my waist, pressing her cheek against my back.
"You look so handsome," she murmurs, voice soft. "Everyone's going to be staring at you."
I turn, taking her in. Her hair cascades in loose waves over her shoulders, and she's wearing the emerald dress I bought her last month—fitted at the waist before flowing out in a gentle sweep that ends just above her knees. The color makes her eyes even more vibrant.
As always, the sight of her punches me in the fucking guts.
"No." I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "They'll all be looking atyou."
Her smile blooms, bright and pure. This is Anna—wholesome, earnest, excited about Christmas and all the trimmings that come with it. For weeks, she's been involved with my company's planning committee for tonight's gala. Every night she'd come home with new ideas, a sparkle in her eyes as she talked about decorations and music and food.
She stands on her tiptoes to kiss me, a gentle brush of lips. But then she bounces on her toes, squeezing my hands. "I'm so excited tonight's finally here. I can't wait for you to see all we've planned. It's going to be so pretty. I love Christmas!"
"It's your big night, love," I laugh. Her happiness is infectious. Having her around the house brings a lightness and joy I've never known except in her presence. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."
I pull her closer, breathing her in. These moments are easy—just me and Anna, no complications, no shadows.
My phone buzzes on the dresser. When I check it, I see a text from Isaak.
"Everything alright?" Anna asks, adjusting my tie with careful hands.
"Just confirming the security details for tonight." I tuck the phone away. "You ready? Car should be here in ten."
She nods, excitement evident in her eyes, but she pauses, a small frown creasing her brow. "Domhn... I just—I know things have been..." She trails off, searching for words.
"Complicated?" I offer, keeping my tone light.
She smiles, relief softening her features. "Yes. Complicated. But I want you to know how much I appreciate everything you do. How patient you've been."
My chest tightens. Anna doesn't miss much, despite what people might think. She sees the strain of the balancing act I'm performing. The way I'm constantly gauging who I'm with—Anna or Mads—and how to react in response.
"I just want you to be happy," I say, and mean it. "Both of you."
Her fingers trace along my jaw. "I know. But it's okay to admit it's hard sometimes. I know this hasn't been easy on you, and?—"
I capture her hand, pressing a kiss to her palm to cut her off. "I've never been afraid of hard work."
The truth might be a little more complicated. I used to be stoic. Emotionless, I thought, apart from my sadism.
But now, long after I thought Iknewwho I was, color has suddenly returned, and some days I walk around feeling like I'm made of glass, every step a risk of shattering. It's an uncomfortable sensation for a man like me. When I'm with Anna, who's so joyful, I feel a love so full it's like a balloon filling my chest till I'm sure I'll burst. But then Mads—wild, reckless, demanding Mads—reminds me I don't have to deny my darkness, either. Which I'm not sure I ever could, no matter how much I might long to bask in the sunshine forever. There's always still a storm inside me.
Which is why I love them both.Needthem both.
Maybe that makes me selfish. Maybe it makes me greedy. But the thought of choosing—of ever having to pick one over the other—feels like slowly driving a knife into my own chest.
"You're thinking too hard," Anna whispers, bringing me back to the present. She taps my forehead gently. "I can practically hear the gears turning."
I force a smile. "Just making mental notes for tonight. I should mingle with the board members and show my face in the right places."
Anna laughs, the sound light and melodic. "Always the businessman. Even at a Christmas party. Maybe try toenjoyyourself a little, too?"
I shrug, leaning down to kiss her again, lingering this time. She lingers with me. When I pull back, her cheeks are flushed.
"Let's not be too late," I murmur against her lips.
