Page 105 of The Last Vampire
“No shit,” I can’t help muttering.
“So?” she asks me. “Is it… about a boy?” I can hear the cringe in her voice, the hope that she’s way off.
“It’s not like that,” I say, fighting hard to keep my eyes from rolling. “It’s just a misunderstanding, but she’s not giving me a chance to explain. I’ll talk to her at school.”
“You’re not going to tell me what it is? Even after I just told you one of my most embarrassing moments?”
“It’s too fresh right now. Ask me in twenty years, and I’ll tell you all about it.”
She stands up and faces me. “Lore, I don’t like feeling this distant from you.”
“I said I’d call more.”
“You realize your college applications are due in a month, and you’re still missing your personal essay?”
“I’m almost finished with it.”
“Have you narrowed down your choice of schools?”
“Salma and I have a list—”
“Honey, you can’t build your entire life around Salma.”
“You’resaying that?” I ask with a hard laugh. “You and Elena did everything together, down togiving birth!”
“Yes, but part of that was because I didn’t know what I wanted, so it was easier to follow her,” says Ma with a sigh. “It wasn’t until you were born that I realized what I was meant to do in this world was raise you. I found my calling in being your mother, and when I opened a social media account to share my experiences, I didn’t think anyone else would care. It was only as I gained more followers that I was able to build a career and a name for myself—but I know I got lucky. Do you understand what I’m trying to tell you?”
“Ma, believe it or not, that’s how most people figure things out. It’s normal not to have a plan for your future before you’ve even gotten to college.”
“But are you giving serious thought to your interests, or are you more concerned with Salma’s?”
This is probably not a good time to bring up the idea that Salma floated by me on our way to Huntington a few months ago: Deferring college for a year to go work with an organization that builds houses in Perú.
“Are you saying this because you actuallywantSalma and me to be apart?” I ask Ma.
“No, of course—”
“Because honestly it feels like you haven’t been her biggest fan ever since that party.”
I know I shouldn’t have brought it up, but it feels like that viral video is a specter haunting all our conversations, and I’m tired of ignoring it.
“I obviously wasn’t thrilled, Lorena—”
“But you blame her for it when I’m the one who chose to go.”
“Only because she asked you to—”
“And I don’t regret it. I willalwaysbe there for Sal, no matter the consequences. That’s what it means to love someone unconditionally.”
“Exactly my point,” says Ma. “I love Sal, but she’s never been one for following the rules the way you do, and now that Elena is gone, I worry she might be on a different path from you—”
I take Ma’s hand, and I grip it tight enough that she stops speaking. “I know you raised me the way you thought was best, but don’t you think that maybe part of the reason I haven’t been able to make any choices about college is that I still have no clue who I am? You’ve made so many of my decisions for me that now it’s like an undeveloped muscle that I don’t know how to use.”
She looks shocked, and I feel her fingers go limp in mine. I wish I could stop here, but now that I’ve started, I need to finish.
“When you don’t like my decisions, you blame Salma for them, and when she doesn’t agree with my choices, she blames your rules. Neither of you seems to think I’m capable of reasoning for myself, butI am. Trust me.”
I squeeze Ma’s hand, hoping she’ll react, but her fingers remain lifeless.
