Page 96 of The Bodyguard Affair
I blink and blink again, trying to take it all in. “When does it start?”
“As soon as you can get out there. Better brush up on your Viking skills,” he replies casually, like he didn’t just casually toss a grenade my way.
“Holy shit.”
“You fucking owe me for this one, Crosby. I’ll send you the paperwork ASAP when it comes in. Talk soon.”
He hangs up, and I’m left standing there, the phone still pressed to my ear, staring blankly at the dented Honda in front of me.
Denmark?Two years?
I glance over at Andi, waiting for me to unlock my mom’s car, effortlessly gorgeous and completely unaware.
“Can we stop for food on the way home?” she asks hopefully.
“Uh, yeah. Sure,” I say, making quick work of distracting myself loading the luggage.
She eyes me suspiciously when I slide into the driver’s seat. “Everything okay?” she asks, a noticeable edge to her voice.
I swallow as we drive out of the lot, suddenly aware of every second ticking by, the weight of it all. I’ve just realized I’m madly in love with Andi, and not ten seconds later, the opportunity of a lifetime drops into my lap.
I wanted this for months, begged for it. Royal assignments are sought-after because they come with a lot of perks, despite the archaic protocol. They’re prestigious, the operations are complex, there’s extensive travel, and they’re long-term. An assignment in a nice Scandinavian country to boot? That’s something I never would have dreamed of. That said, they require long hours. Everyone knows you give up your personal life for royal assignments, which, until recently, wouldn’t have been a problem.
“Jones—my boss. He called to tell me I got a posting. Two years. In Denmark,” I tell her, keeping my tone neutral. I have no idea how she’s going to react. Even I’ve barely processed it all.
Her eyes widen, though the rest of her body stays stationary. “Denmark? Wow. When?”
“Starting as soon as I can get out there.”
She blinks, like she’s trying to make sense of it. A beat goes by before she speaks. “Congratulations, Nolan. That’s amazing news, isn’t it?”
It should be amazing news. It should feel like freedom, like the break I’ve been waiting for. But it doesn’t. Because I’m not certain I want that life anymore.
I run my hand through my hair. “It is—at least, I thought so. Before you.”
She winces. Winces. “Nolan, you’ve been desperate to leave since the start of summer. This seems like your chance…to get your life back.”
Your life back.Her words hang in the air between us, echoing in my head. “But what if I don’t want it back? What if I wanted to stay?”
Her expression falters. “Nolan, think about this. Do you really want to change your whole life plan for…this fantasy?”
“Fantasy?” I repeat, the word feeling bitter on my tongue. Is that what this is to her?
“I mean, that’s kind of what this is, isn’t it? Pretend?” She hesitates, searching for the right words. “Sure, we may have caught feelings along the way. Lost ourselves a little—”
“Lost ourselves?” I ask, the blood rushing to my ears.
She nods. “Yeah. I don’t think we were thinking clearly.”
“Andi, this summer with you was the clearest I’ve felt…ever. I know I was supposed to leave, but I can’t do that if you feel even the slightest bit the same as me.”
“I just don’t know” is all she says. Her silence is deafening as she sits there, looking out the window at the parking lot.
I wait for her to turn and look me in the eye. “Andi, don’t. You might be able to fool yourself, but you’re not fooling me. I haven’t felt like this, ever. You’re the first person I’ve ever pictured a life with. A home with. I’ve never done that with anyone until you. The only pretending I’ve done is acting like I don’t love you. Do you not feel the same way?”
“Nolan, I—I’m not saying I don’t feel the same way,” she stammers, looking down at her lap, her hands wringing together. “It’s the exact opposite. The way I feel about you…it scares me. And if you changed your mind and stayed for me and it didn’t work out…”
“I would be staying mostly for you. But I’d also be staying for my mom, for Em, Cody…I don’t need to travel and live out of my suitcase anymore. I want my life here. With you.” When I say it out loud, it all plays out in front of me, a life of family, not of work for the sake of work. Embracing all of Ottawa’s seasons. Barbecues on hot, lazy summer days with Andi, Mom, Emma, and the kids. Fresh autumn afternoons frolicking down crunchy, leafy trails in the woods with Cody. Long, snowcapped winters that call for lazy days inside, curled up under a mountain of covers with Andi, cups of marshmallow-topped hot chocolate warming our hands.
