Page 41 of Sparks Fly
“I’m bi,” he said. “Although yeah, like you said, pan works for me. I don’t really care about a person’s gender one way or the other.”
“Ditto.”
They both fell quiet, but the silence was comfortable. It kind of felt like they were really meeting each other for the first time.
When dating, Stella didn’t often tell people right out the gate that she was bi. Guys could be weird about it because they automatically assumed that meant she’d be down for a threesome. Women could be weird about it because they assumed she was only trying out being a lesbian and would go back to men once she was done experimenting. One time a woman literally told Stella she didn’t want to date someone who had no experience with a woman, and Stella said, “I barely have any experience with men!”
The woman unmatched with her after that, so Stella could understand why Max’s sexuality was something he held close to his chest.
The waiter returned with their food, and Stella inhaled deeply. Her order smelled delicious, and the waiter had barely taken a step away from the table before she dug in. She’d gone with Max’s recommendation and gotten the quesadilla instead of the ham. One bite in and she could tell it was the right decision.
“It’s good, right?” Max asked.
For a moment, Stella had forgotten he was even there, she was so absorbed in her food. She gave herself a second to swallow before she answered.
“Very,” she said. “I think I might be in love.” She paused. “With the quesadilla. Obviously.”
“Obviously.”
There was a slight twitch of his lips that made it clear he was fighting a smile. Stella focused her attention back on her food so she didn’t spin out over the fact that she said “in love” in front of the man she was supposed to be casually dating. She tried to refocus their conversation and asked a question she wasn’t sure what she wanted the answer to be.
“So have you only dated men before or women, too?”
Max blinked up at her, a crinkle of a frown appearing on his forehead, and she realized how the question could sound. Many Black women unfortunately felt that men who said they were bisexual were actually gay men on the down low, just with a new label. Stella didn’t feel that way. If someone, no matter their gender, told her they were bi, she believed them. Besides, sexuality was fluid, so even if someone said they were bi and then later realized they were gay, she wouldn’t hold it against them, as long as they were honest about it.
Stella was more curious because a part of her kind of liked the idea of being the first woman Max had been with. That way they would both be each other’s firsts in a sense. She was pretty sure that wasn’t the case, though, based on how he seemed to know exactly how and where to touch her to make her come.
Her suspicions were confirmed when he said, “I’ve been with women, too. It’s not an even split. I’ve probably hooked up with more men, but I’ve had more long-term relationships with women. Jorge, the guy I did the salsa classes with, was the longest relationship I’d had with a man actually.”
“How long was it?” Stella couldn’t help but ask.
“A year,” he said.
“And how long was your longest relationship with a woman?”
Stella didn’t know why she was suddenly so curious about this, but it was like now that they’d opened the box to his past, she couldn’t stop herself from digging.
“Mm, about three years,” he said. “It’s hard to know for certain. This was during college, and we were pretty on and off until we graduated.”
Stella nodded. “Makes sense.”
She wasn’t sure if it did, but it felt like the right thing to say.
“What about you?” he asked. Stella should’ve expected the question, yet she was still caught off guard.
“Me?”
“How long was your longest relationship?” he said, as if his question wasn’t totally clear. She appreciated that.
“I’ve never had one, actually,” she said with a slight shrug. “Just a lot of first dates. And a second date once. That’s about it.”
Stella let her words fall over the table and prepared herself for Max’s reaction. She wasn’t sure what would be worse: him wondering what was wrong with her that she’d never been with someone long term or him being overly complimentaryand claiming she must be mistaken because there was no way someone like her had never been in a relationship before. Either option sounded awful, which is why she’d never planned on having this conversation with him, but there was no putting the words back in now.
Thankfully, Max did neither of those things. Instead, he said, “Must mean you haven’t found the right one yet.”
Stella couldn’t contain the smile that spread across her face.
“Must be,” she said.
