Page 111 of Fallen Thorns
We stood in utter silence, no one strong enough to look him in the eye.
After he finally caught his breath, he collapsed into the chair opposite the fire and leaned forward, pressing his lips between his fingers in mournful contemplation. The embers cast a glow against his face, his eyes glassy and wet. He swiftly brushed his face through his hands, pulling down on his lip as he sat back. “Anything?” he sighed out, not looking at anyone in particular.
I shook my head after a beat, and in time with Mars. Rani bit her nails, one elbow against the chair arm, eyes distant. Carmen stood looking off into the fire, hand now on Rani’s shoulder.
I watched Casper’s head turn to fully face the flames, a tear welling in his left eye then naturally dripping down his cheek. He covered his mouth with his hand and took a deep breath.
How long had he been outside looking? He looked physicallyexhausted.Drained. Lifeless.
Mars quietly stood and let the blanket fall, slipping over to Casper’s side and sat beside him, looking towards his eyes. Casper finally acknowledged them directly. Mars’ reaction was a clear indicator of what we all feared.
“He’s just… gone,” Casper muttered a cry then leaned down in defeat. Mars caught his head against their chest, wrapping their arms around his neck in comfort.
“It’s okay, it’s okay, I know, I know,” they muttered as they began to stroke his back.Ben’s coat.
My mind flashed back to the night I ran from my room and out onto the streets where I found Ben, a cigarette in hand, that coat drowning him out. At the time, I was frustrated none of them would leave me alone, but less than two minutes of speaking left me at ease, and I knew right then that I had found a real friend. I began to think about all the bands he recommended to me, and how I couldn’t remember their names, and the fact I never did listen to them even though I really meant to, and now I’ll never remember. He was so excited about his interests.
He had told me about how Marianne had saved both him and Casper. I never did push the conversation further, but I always wondered in the back of my mind how they both ended up joining The Thorns. What really happened to them for them both to end up here together?
I zoned back into Casper and Mars on the sofa. I’d stepped closer without realising. Casper wept while Mars closed their eyes, continuing to soothe him.
“He’s my everything. He can’t justdisappear.”
“We will find him,” Mars tried to promise, though they were just as doubtful as the rest of us.
Rani joined my side, Carmen by hers. My friend slipped her still gloved hand into mine and I obliged, the two of us exchanging a brief glance of reassurance.
“He’s my everything,” Casper muttered again, all force lost from his voice.
Mars tilted their head back as if to halt tears. They’d known each other a lot longer; worked together, lived together, experienced years of the world I wasn’t even here for.
We were all breaking.
Not a single full heart in that room.
“We are not going to give up,” Rani promised. “We will all stick together and win. That’s what The Thorns do.”
And it was when Casper finally jolted around to face us, that we could see the coldness of his features.
“How can you say that though?” he wailed through tears. “I’ve been out looking for two days, and I’ve searchedeverywhere.I’ve not slept, and Inever will,not until I find him.”
He pulled away from Mars’ grip entirely, pushing himself back against the chair so that he faced us all. “If he is harmed inany way,I swear, I don’t care about ourpolicies,” he glanced sideways at Mars, throwing up his arms, “I will tear her apart and everyone else that tries to stop me.”
Mars didn’t even dare protest. They understood this feeling — they’d felt those emotions before.Poppy.
Casper abruptly stood and pulled his glasses out of his pocket. “I’ve got to go back out there. I can’t waste another second.” He started towards the door, Rani and Carmen parting to let him through until Mars shouted for him to wait.
We stared back at Mars who now stood, an orange glow outlining their body. “We’re coming too.”
* * *
Three whole days passed.We walked on an endless cycle of paths, through endless alleyways and tunnels. Nothing. Not a scent nor a sign. It was as if he had simply ceased to exist. His keyboard and bass lay untouched in their music room. A discarded eyeliner pen sat beneath one of the chairs in a side room, and I knew fine well it could only belong to him. Lawrence and Francesca followed us out on walks and shared stories of their time in the band together, both happy and sad.
Casper never stopped looking. After that day we all left together, returning in the early hours with him refusing to follow, we’d not seen him at all. Our only contact being the occasional phone call, usually to either Mars or Fran.
“I don’t know if I should tell his parents or not,” I heard him saying to Mars one morning.
“Wait a few more days. We don’t need to worry them if it turns out to be nothing,” they replied, turning away from me slightly.
