Page 24 of Fallen Thorns
“You like being alone too, don’t you?” Another observation.
“More than anything,” I sighed.
Ben smiled a comforting and friendly, diamond smile. “I won’t keep you then.”
“Oh no, don’t worry.”
“You sure? I was going to leave soon anyway. I sometimessayI don’t mind when I really do, I just don’t want to sound mean.”
“No, it’s...” My eyes brightened as I processed what he said. I chuckled. He just read me like a book.“No, stay. Let’s... talk for a bit.” The genuine contentment I felt in this moment was a sensation I wished I could always feel, devoid of intrusive thoughts, questions or distractions. I felt clear and I wanted to talk — I actually felt comfortable enough to talk.“Ifyouwant, that is,” I added.
“I’d very much like that.”
“Okay then.”
Ben stuck his hand in an inner jacket pocket and produced his packet of cigarettes, no doubt to light another. He raised it towards me, a fresh stick between his teeth. I held up a polite hand to decline.
“It won’t harm you now, you know,” he said once he freed up his hand. “I smokeda lotwhen I was alive. It definitely would have caught up with me, and it was stupid of me really, but I was just living the rockstar life.” He laughed at himself. “All these piercings and shit, but now that we’re...”
“Dead,” I finished.
“Dead,” Ben repeated in clear relief the word hadn’t triggered me. “We can kind of just do what we want now. We’re not like humans anymore, not in that way. We’re essentially immune to human illness. So I stuck with it. Terrible advert for kids.” He threw me a look of sarcastic guilt.
I’d not thought about that yet, the extent of our immortality. I was still clinging on to the concept of humanity. Manipulating myself to believe I was still normal.
“Go on then,” I said, keeping my hesitations to a minimum – living in the moment.
“Casper will kill me for being such a bad influence,” he joked as he handed me one and lit it for me. The first drag took me by surprise and a cough followed but then I realised it wasn’t as bad as I’d always expected it would be. It didn’t taste like it smelled, either,butI made a mental note of not making it a frequent thing.
We stood in silence for a moment, the wind whistling through the balding trees. Ben took in a breath through his teeth, shaking out his limbs in the bitter air.
“So, you’re a student here then, right?” he started.
“Yeah. First year. Literature. Still new to it all, but I suppose it’s alright. It’s a nice city at least.”
“Beautiful city,” Ben agreed. “I went here too. I studied music. Though you probably figured that out already.”
“That’s when you started your band?”
“Yeah, we started in our very first term. Casper had just moved here, and we wasted no time; he was determined to get straight into playing. Luckily for me, he’s extremely extroverted, so I didn’t even have to put any effort in. He needed a bass player. I obliged.” He wiggled his fingers.
“That’s so cool.” I sounded like a child, mind blown by something so simple. But it was cool. He was happy, I could tell. More than content with where his life was.
I could be like that.
“You have any hobbies?” He took another drag and held the smoke in his lungs for a prolonged time.
“Yeah, a few. I like to write, play a bit of piano… I like photography though I don’t have a proper camera yet. I enjoy doing a bit of everything.”
“Nice, you’re so like me. I hate being tied down to one thing. I’ve probably dabbled in every hobby you can think of over my life. Many never stuck, though.” He drew a circle into the gravel with the tip of his boot. “So, you enjoy writing, then? You wanna get published?” He sounded genuinely interested, pretty eyes full of optimistic attention.
“That’s the dream, I suppose. Bit far-fetched if I think about it logically, but you know... it’s worth a try, right?”
“Of course! Never doubt yourself. Nothing is ever far-fetched if you believe in it. I’m sure you’re super talented. You’ve got as much of a chance as anyone.” He nodded up at me. “I need to read more to be honest. I used to read a lot when I was a kid, and I don’t know if it was secondary school or just my change in mentality, but one day I just stopped. Sad really. No one seems to read these days.”
“I could give you some recommendations?”
“Really? I’d like that.”
