Page 26 of Fallen Thorns
The girl looked as if she might faint. “Janie. My name is Janie.”
Ben looked to the quieter girl who had not spoken a word and was clearly there for moral support. “And yours?”
The second girl seemed to panic momentarily before her face softened. “Beth.”
“Well, Janie and Beth. I wish you both all the best with anything you want to do in the future. This is the reason we do this! And to know we’re clearly doing something right is the greatest feeling! I’ll be sure to let the band know how much of an impact we’ve had on you. Thank you so very much for your kind words. In fact…” He rummaged into his back trouser pocket and pulled out a guitar pick, handing it to Janie.
“Have fun with your guitar.” He extended his hand further, giving it to her. She reached out, taking it slowly from his hands before glancing back at a beaming Beth, as if to saydid you see that?
Ben hadn’t stopped smiling this whole time, the tears in his eyes had long dried away.
“Actually, I think that might be Fran’s pick,” he said.
Then, I really thought I would have to intervene to catch this girl from collapsing.
“TheFrancesca Young?”Her eyes practically popped out of her skull.
Ben chuckled.
Janie looked back to her friend again then back to Ben. “Oh my god. I have such a crush on her.” She instantly clasped her hand over her mouth, a little too late to catch the words.
Ben didn’t seem to find it weird though.“Don’t we all.”
Janie nodded frantically, frozen to the spot.
“Anyway, I don’t want to keep you standing in the cold. Go and enjoy your night.” Ben waved them off, though not rudely.
“Yes. Of course. Sorry to have bothered you. I know it must be super annoying to have people come up to you. Sorry.” Janie panicked.
“No, no! Don’t apologise. I wish I was lucky enough to meet all the people I admire justby chance.”
Janie nodded again.
Before they left, Ben added one final thing. “You didn’t hear what we were talking about before though,” he said pleasantly, a sincere smile across his pretty face.
The girls’ faces flashed in understanding; an expression so subtle it was easy to miss if you weren’t looking for it. There was a slight scent of dried leaves in the air, barely detectable.Manipulation.So that was how easy it was.
Once they’d left, I turned to Ben, my mouth open in shock.
He didn’t let me speak.
“I hate doing that. But they can’t ever know.” He closed his eyes, biting his lip.
* * *
Despite the dark turn,we left on a high. Ben told me not to worry about what happened; he said it was necessary to keep us all safe and as long as it was done properly, with no other effects on the receiver, it was okay.
After that, he said he would ‘love me and leave me’ and wandered off into the night.
It did feel like a high. I felt like I could finally breathe again, the air cooling my insides. Maybe Icouldget used to this life. Ben made it seem so straight forward.
That’s the way my brain worked. The rare social situations I found myself in would distract me enough until I felt like the bad thoughts would never return, almost like these interactions made me a completely different person. And that’s exactly what happened here. Ben’s calm and collected —human —manner eased me into this fresh mentality of conformity. I went back to my room, searching all things demons and monsters and creatures of the night. Most of it was folklore and myths, and though some had religious context, others didn’t. I didn’t know what I was hoping to find, but I tried to take advantage of this temporary intrigue — and I knew it was exactly that: temporary.Maybe youcanask for help?My new mind said.Ben seems nice, genuine. He can help. Maybe Mars can help too. Maybe I’ll finally find myself.
While aimlessly searching for anything of value, I concluded I would try the blood bag when I next felt hungry. Just a small cup to make it last. Yet the more I scrolled, the more my newfound passion dwindled, and my original mindset crept back in. I couldn’t find any real information about eternally living off blood, aside from a weird and clearly human blog page explaining the nutritional value of our own blood. I closed the tab in disgust. I knew then I needed to learn more about myself and this life, and to do that I would need to talk to the others. I would need to fully involve myself in this. Why was I naïve to think the answers would serve themselves to me on a silver platter? Talking to Ben had made it seem sonormal.
I began aggressively chewing the inside of my mouth, biting away without care for injury.So, you’re just going to give in? Stop thinking for yourself? You’re above this.Was I? I wasn’t. But I wanted to be.
I stared blindly at the screen, words blurring in and out of focus; I felt my canines lengthen until the bites deepened and I drew blood. The sweet taste of iron dragged me back to my senses and I snapped, throwing back the chair and I ran to the bathroom cabinet for my pain relief tablets.I’m not doing this. The drop of blood I’d swallowed was already heightening my senses and I desperately craved for more. “No! No! No!” I slammed my fist into the side of the sink. “I am notthis. This is not me. I’m me. Me. Just me!” I refused to look at myself in the mirror; to remind myself of the monster within.
