Page 27 of Fallen Thorns
I downed the extra strength paracetamol without checking how many pills I popped into my hand. I wasn’t thinking of anything other than the fact that I needed to remove this alien feeling, to numb it all.
I staggered back to bed, breathing heavily. Fully clothed, I buried myself under the duvet like a child escaping from the monster under the bed. Eyes squeezed shut, I desperately searched my mind for blank scenes. A lake. Clean washing hanging on a line. Coffee pouring. Anything.
It was no use.
The lake filled with blood. The white linen soaked a crimson red. Instead of coffee pouring, viscus black liquid stained the mug.
Breathe.Blood.
Breathe.Dead.
Breathe.Monster.
After the eternity of five minutes, it hit my system. I felt it. My breathing calmed, my head sank into the pillow, eyes drooped. But the symptoms didn’t stop. My head was a bowling ball, limbs liquified. Panic stricken, I staggered with my remaining strength across my floor, dropping into a crawl as I felt a bubbling sensation in my throat. I’d barely reached the bathroom before I violently vomited across the tiles. I scrambled further towards the toilet before the second wave hit. I was tearing out my insides, burning acid and blood.Blood.That’s all I had inside. I didn’t need to eat anymore. Because I wasn’t human.
Monster.
I gagged and choked; hands curled like claws around the toilet bowl. I began retching when my body was emptied of substance. I couldn’t stop. My entire body trembled, each muscle sparking out of control.
And when the pain did finally ease, for the second evening in a row, I curled up on my bathroom floor and cried.
I sat there for a while,taking in the scene until my body calmed. I knew then, and perhaps even before, that I would not survive the night without food. I could no longer deny it. I couldn’t numb the pain or distract myself from thinking I didn’t need it, to smoke it away.
My mind went to the blood bags, but once again, I couldn’t bring myself to open them.What would I do if I did? Drain the whole thing? Crave more? Lose myself?
My only other option was my own blood.
It was the best option, I told myself. I could control the quantity that way, and it could hardly harm me. Wouldn’t even harm a normal human.
Am I really going to do this? Would it hurt? Doesn’t matter. It’s irrelevant. I am in control.
I stood up, legs like a newborn deer, and reached for my razor. I wasn’t going to bite myself. I wasn’t an animal.
I hovered the blade over my palm, right hand unsteady.I am in control.
The first bite of metal stung against my skin, but as the blood welled to the surface, all I could think about was its beauty.
No. Not beauty. It’s disgusting.
But it wasn’t. I wanted it more than anything.
I brought my palm to my lips, mesmerised by the red slowly trickling down my wrist, then took my first taste. And second. And third. Closing my eyes somehow helped me detach from the situation, feeling the sensations from outside my consciousness in blissful pretence that it wasn’tmedoing this.
It was more bitter than my previous sample, but it worked. My senses returned to normal almost immediately. I was floating. Not literally, but I felt lighter than air.
Untouchable. Unstoppable.Powerful.
I did it.Ha!
I ran my hand under the tap to seal the wound, flexing a fist, detecting the sudden strength that rolled within me. A smile tugged at the corners of my lips.
I am in control.
ChapterSeven
I found that last missing puzzle piece.
My Moon is looking at me now, pride dripping from his diamond eyes.
