Page 3 of Fallen Thorns
“But I do,” she insisted, gently placing her coat to one side. “I didn’t tell you I had plans for later and then cut our meeting short because of it. I saw it in your eyes when I left, and I know you said you didn’t mind not coming, but I knew you did. I’ve known you long enough to recognise that face, Arlo, and I’m sorry.”
Ireallydidn’t know what to say. A giant lump formed in my throat. She was right. I didn’t mind, but at the same time, I did. I wanted her to enjoy her time with her friends, but part of me wished she would have stayed longer. Her company calmed me. But how could I expect her to always be there? After all, she was her own person. She had her separate life and every right to live it without me. We weren’ttogetherand there was nocommitmentin our friendship. I needed to accept that — I always tried to.
“Don’t worry about it,” I said after a short pause. Rani looked at me with a sad smile. God, I really did take her for granted sometimes. Rani was one of the sweetest people I had ever met: pure through and through, and I didn’t deserve our friendship. Why had she chosen me as a friend? Out of everyone she could have picked, she decided on a six-foot-three lump of fake sunshine with a terrible fashion sense.
I was aware I wasn’t an easy person to be around. I often preferred to be alone, but that was when I was most most destructive. I never really knew what I wanted out of situations, and often ended up confusing even myself. Rani didn’t have to make time for me, but she did. She actively chose to come and see me to ensure I was okay, even apologising for something as insignificant as meeting up with her friends.Why am I like this?
As the people pleaser I was, I thought about promising to come out with her next time, but then I stopped myself as I knew it was a lie. I often assured people I would do something before panicking and dropping out closer to the time. No one deserved constant disappointment and I didn’t want to brand myself as the unreliable one, or the person you could never trust to be there.
“Come here,” she beckoned, gesturing for me to join her on the bed.
Panic.
“I’m not going to hug you; I know you don’t like that,” she said with a sweet laugh.
I do not deserve our friendship.
I sat myself beside her, maintaining a comfortable gap between us.
“I’m glad I met you, Arlo.” Rani flashed a happy smile this time. “Lucky we were thrown together in sixth-form and happened to end up in the same university. Lucky I argued with my parents to let me study this course. Lucky we had each other in the beginning and even luckier now I’ve gotten to know you more. I just wanted to say that I am always here to talk if you need it.”
I was glad I’d met her too — more than glad, actually, and I told her as such. If it were not for Rani in those first few weeks, I dreaded to think where I would have ended up.
A cloud of tension lifted from the room, giving me enough confidence to shuffle back to the headboard and cross my legs. Rani followed suit, backing onto the wall with her well-worn combat boots hanging from the edge and scuffing the sheets. I sucked in my lips and pretended not to notice. Rani did.
“Gosh, sorry.” She leaned forward to untie her shoes.
“No, honestly, it’s fine.” I wafted my hands out in expression.
This earned a grin and a soft finger jab. “Don’t lie, Everett. I’m taking my shoes off. It’s polite.”
We both chuckled. Another tension cloud evaporated.
“So did you have a nice evening?” I asked, transitioning as smoothly as I could.
Rani rolled her eyes. “Well...” she began, taking in a deep breath.
“Oh, do I sense a story time?”
“You do indeed. Prepare yourself for some girl drama.”
“I’m all ears.” I tucked my knees up and offered Rani my pillow for her back. I froze as the pillow moved and revealed Wellington, my tattered teddy bear that I forgot was there. Rani didn’t react so neither did I, returning my full attention to her.
I’d never been one for gossip, and generally avoided all common room conversations back at school. People judged the slightest thing, and some could be so cruel for absolutely no reason — even those I considered friends. Yet I was well enough acquainted with Rani now to know her definition of gossip constituted a more factual and relevant retelling of events.
“Right.” She slapped her thighs. “So, you know Mila and Ava, and how they are together but not together — this whole complicated thing.” She waved her hands in circles and I nodded, despite not having a clue about any of this. All I knew was that Mila and Ava existed.
She continued. “Well, it turns out they are currently going through a rough patch, and Ava didn’t even turn up. So it was just me, Mila, and two other girls from Mila’s old school. It was fine, we all got along, but then those two had to leave and I had to spend the last hour or so listening to Mila’s relationship crisis. Which I would have been okay with if I wasn’t close with Ava, but I am and now I feel guilty and like I’ve gone behind Ava’s back.” She rubbed her legs again. “Honestly, you would have thought this sort of stuff would have been left behind in school. But nope! I’m always the neutral ground for the firing squad.” She tipped her head back against the wall in defeat.
“Are you going to tell Ava then?” I shouldnothave been enjoying this as much as I was, being reminded again how she made conversations soeasy.
“Would you?”
“Hmm.” Thankfully, I’d never found myself in this situation. Where Rani saw herself as the person on the fence, I was never in the field to begin with.
“I don’t know,” she replied, head rolling to face me. “Probably not, I don’t want to be the go-between. Ava will probably ring me with her part of the story soon, anyway. And then in a few days' time, they’ll be back together like none of this ever happened. Honestly, I keep telling them how lucky they are to have each other. Us queers are hard to come by.”
“You’re queer?” My tone sounded too surprised for my liking, but it didn’t appear to impact Rani in any way.
