Page 41 of Fallen Thorns
“Like I should be somewhere else.”
She cocked her head to the side, analysing me. “Hell? Prison? A dark room filled with all the people you’ve wronged yelling at you?”
I nodded.
“Good,” she asserted, marching forward and loosening my leather cuffs without another word.
“What are you doing?” Carmen protested.
“It’s gone.”
Everyone shared a look, a whole conversation passing between the four of them — one I could only assume I understood perfectly.
Marianne guided me up with her arms, pulling my full weight and only letting go once she confirmed I could stand for myself. “You don’t have any explaining to do. You were not lying then, but I’m telling you now: if you think you can walk out of here like last time, you’ve got another thing coming. I am not letting you out of my sight until I know what happened and that this won’t happen again. Your friend can stay,” she gestured in Rani’s direction in a motion almost too quick to notice, then stole an irritated glance at Carmen before turning back to me, “but we’re sorting this out once and for all. I won’t tolerate any excuses.”
No one said a word.
“Right,” she addressed the silence. “Why don’t we start again? Welcome to our world, Arlo. Let’s get you cleaned up.”
* * *
I very quickly learned thislabyrinth of a hideout was much bigger than I originally thought. Alotbigger; quite alarmingly so. I didn’t even think Marianne was aware of the scope of it as, several times, I witnessed her changing directions and going back on herself. The building was a maze of crumbling stone archways and rotting wooden doors with stairs leading to nowhere and corridors with no end in sight. Every so often, a crack of daylight peeked through barred gaps in the ceiling: a reminder we were probably not as deep underground as it felt. Rani took this whole thing frighteningly well, though her close connection with Carmen seemed to help. I wasn’t quite so sure how I felt about Carmen still. Her stare was intense, and she assessed me like I was an escaped, rabid animal. I couldn’t really blame her; she was perhaps the only person there who saw me for what I really was. Everyone else acted as though what happened was just a minor blip that could be laughed off as I would soon be able to manage myself. That wasn’t true, and they all knew that. I felt like I was walking on eggshells every time I passed someone, even though everyone in this place could have quite easily ripped me to shreds in a matter of minutes.
I’d mentally prepared for the fact they were going to help me manage my diet and ‘get me on the right track,’ but something much darker needed to be addressed, and the most terrifying thing was, I didn’t think any of them knew what to do because I could see it in everyone’s eyes; what happened to me, mybody,mymindlast night… they’d never seen that happen before.
What if it comes back? What if I lose control again and I really do kill someone next time? I’m no better than Lucy... I’m worse than Lucy.I’m a real monster.
A sick black shadow loomed over my soul with every step I took down that corridor and I had no idea how I would come back from it the next time it consumed me. I was on borrowed time — time already stolen from a second chance I should not have been allowed. How could anyone help me?
With minimal words spoken, Marianne showed me to my room. It was a lot smaller than the room I woke up in, though a lot more spacious at the same time. The air was lighter, the furniture brighter and it was equipped with a bed that didn’t look like a left over from an abandoned asylum. She ensured I was comfortable and told me she would return in a moment after she sorted a few things. I nodded in acknowledgement and was told Rani was allowed to stay with The Thorns. She informed me that Rani would be put up in the room beside me, for our own familiarity. I had a feeling I would be staying there for a while, but I had no qualms with that fact. I shouldn’t have been allowed anywhere else.
* * *
“Follow me.”Marianne appeared at my door; her peach-tinged hair tied back from her face. She looked like she’d walked straight off campus, not nearly three hundred years from the past. I’d been left in silence for longer than I expected, but I did not dare move; instead, I used the time to fully digest the reality of what my life would now be, though I did not find being alone very helpful. Maybe she was trying to figure out what to do with me, or maybe she really had other important business to attend to. Maybe both.
I got up and followed her around the maze. We did not speak but the tension was minimal. After all, there was nothing to say.
We arrived at a dark room, the furthest downstairs I had been, which seemed extremely fitting for the impending conversation. Mars sat on a chair in the middle of the room and beside them were two other chairs that had been arranged in a loose circle over the spiral patterned cobbles like a poorly attended therapy group careering down a plughole.
I didn’t have to be asked to sit. I chose the seat closest to Mars. Call it instinct.
“So...” Marianne began, as if she hadn’t been the one to arrange the meeting.
Mars looked to me, a bead of dampness sat beneath their left eye, a subtle indicator they had been crying.
“I...” I barely breathed my unplanned sentence before Mars interjected.
“It’s my fault.”
What?
Marianne and I turned to face them, waiting for them to elaborate.
“This whole thing,” they continued after a deep breath. “I thought I was helping him, but I actually made things worse. So much worse. I’m a complete idiot.” This last part was said solely to me. I didn’t know how to respond.
“Mars...” Marianne started sympathetically.
“No.” They stopped her, both hands raised in surrender. “I was the one who gave him the bags. I should have thought of the dangers, I should have known truly how far gone he was. I thought it would be okay, but I miscalculated, massively, and I nearly killed him with my arrogance.”
