Page 63 of Fallen Thorns
Rani didn’t sit down like I expected her to, though. Instead, she strode straight through, throwing her arms out and forming claws with each hand. “Oh, thatwoman!”she passionately shouted out to the room.
I stood awkwardly by the door, jumper still reversed.
She turned to me, eyes like headlights. “Oh, Arlo, I think I’m inlove.”
I made a ‘heh’ sound in my throat and fiddled with the silver ring on my finger, an attempt to act casual.
“You two are… together then?” I asked.
At that, she flopped herself dramatically onto my pillows, and I took that as an indication the conversation could only properly continue if I went over to join her. I strategically laid over the remaining blood stains.
“Well…” she started, exasperated. “Not likeofficially.But…”
“You’re happy?” I suggested.
She turned her head sharply on the bed to face me, eyes still so full of life as she bit her lip. “Happier thanever.”
I smiled at her then as her positivity radiated off onto me.
“I’m glad.” I wish I said it with more meaning, to truly show how happy I was for her.
She playfully punched my arm. “So what about you then?”
My lungs constricted and I averted my gaze, eyes drifting up to the ceiling. “Oh, we don’t need to talk about that.”
A moment of silence followed. Rani propped herself onto her elbows. “Oh, don’t be shy, your secrets are safe with me, my guy.” She tapped her nose.
While I knew she wouldn’t embarrass me or do anything to intentionally make me uncomfortable, I just couldn’t — on any level — bring myself to talk about it. How could I possibly explain it? It wasn’t the fact I didn’tlikeMars: Mars was great, and they saved my bloody life, for goodness’ sake. It didn’t,couldn’tmake sense to not want what we did, butI just didn’t want it.Out of everyone, Mars should have been able to fix me, and instead I felt like I had used them.How could I have been so cruel?So heartless. So numb…
“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Rani’s voice grew solemn but sincere.
“Thanks.”
* * *
After dressing properly,I headed out for some breakfast and didn’t bump into a single Thorn. A blessing.
At some point between returning with Mars and the rise of dawn, the snow had melted, and then heavy rain must have fallen, freezing over parts of the pavement. The smell of mildew and wet stone hung in the air. Mist mapped tendrils over the tops of buildings as the cathedral ominously consumed the horizon. When I was a child, my mother used to tell me that fog couldn’t possibly be scary because it was the spirits of loved ones coming to check in and watch over us. It didn’t help, however. I think I cried.
I bumped into two girls from my course in the queue, who smiled in a way that said they recognised me, but hoped I didn’t start up a conversation because either they couldn’t remember my name, or they could, and they thought that nothing I would say would interest them. I knew this because it was a passive smile, one I frequently experienced.
I returned to the base, walking past my apartment complex in the process and stealing a second glance at my window — hit with a flash ofthat night.
What if the creature is watching me now? What if it’s always watching me?
I wanted to know what singled me out from the others.
I’m always here.
I turned around with a shiver, hunching my shoulders to brush off the fog, and picked up my pace.
* * *
“Have you had your morning drink?”Marianne was sitting in the social room when I walked in, which wasn’t a surprise. I think I subconsciously expected to find her there.
We weren’t entirely alone, two long haired girls sat on a bench to our left; deep in conversation.
I sat myself down opposite Marianne, nursing the cup of tea I brought back with me. “I take it you’re not talking about this,” I gestured to the polystyrene mug.
