Page 70 of Fallen Thorns
“Yes. Thank you. For everything.”
Marianne leftus once we finished our drinks and the room filled up for the lunch time rush.
Awkwardness overwhelmed me again. The smell of Mars’ hair, their arms, and their face brought back broken memories of body heat and blood and the dim light of the room. My breath hitched.
“I suppose we should talk about what happened,” Mars initiated the conversation. “Last night.”
So it was on their mind too.Relief moved through me that they were the first to address it, as I would have held off the topic until it shattered me completely.
I cleared my throat. “Yeah.”
“We didn’t… you know.”
I looked at them.
“Have sex,” they finished.
“I… we didn’t?”We didn’t?
Mars shook their head confidently. “I know we were both very drunk, but that cancels out consent. Yes, we started things, but even in that state, I was aware something felt off. You weren’t really responding; it was like you weren’t really present. So I didn’t push it and instead we just… fell asleep.”
Mars had no idea the flood of the relief I felt in that moment. The one thing that had been eating me apart all morning — the worry that I’d somehow taken advantage of the situation by doing something so intimate and personal with another without actually feeling any true desire to do it.
“I got the sense you didn’t really want to do it,” they continued.
“I…”
“And that’s okay!”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what? Arlo, what have you got to be sorry for? We had a good evening, didn’t we? And if anything, it’s me who should be sorry for being soforward.You’ve never done that before, have you…?” they cut themself off with a shake of their head. “Never mind. It’s none of my business, or my problem… God, sorry, just ignore me — sorry.” They kept shaking their head then started to fidget with their teacup and saucer and spoon. I watched every frantic movement before reaching out and grabbing their hand, urging them to stop. Skin to skin contact: warm on cold. I inwardly winced at the action, yet Ichoseto do it. I let go again and wiped away the sensation harshly onto my trousers.
They looked back at me, pained and clearly confused.Are these mixed signals I’m giving? I never meant for that…
“Sorry.”
“Arlo, stop it.”
“Sor…”
“ARLO.”
I jumped, though they hadn’t been particularly loud about it, only firm enough to put an end to the conversation. No one else turned to the scene, too consumed in their own conversations to care.
Their tone hushed as they leaned in. “Please accept my apology and leave it. Don’t think about it. You’ve never once needed to apologise to me. Everything that has ever happened between us has beenmyfault. Ever since I found you that night… you were so…”Are they crying?They were crying. “You looked so helpless and sad. Your eyes wereunseeing,your jacket was bloody, and your shoes were scuffed and… Your pale skin, your shaking hands you…Ibrought you into this world. I let you struggle. I didn’t doenough.I never doenough.I’ve tried so hard to keep everyone safe and yet I’m soblind. Poppy…”
What does Poppy have to do with… oh.Oh.
Mars was properly crying, and I was unable to absorb the fact that they were describing the details of my own death. Instead, I looked straight at them and choked up at the sight of their weeping face, and their sorry eyes. I scanned through every suitable reaction to offer some comfort until I settled on pulling them into a hug, letting them lean into my side. With my chin atop their head, I wrapped my arms around their whole frame. I held them there for a minute or so, as the dampness of their tears soaked into my jumper.
After everything, I do remember what I said that night as we left the bar.
Thank you for saving me.
ChapterSeventeen
My first night of patrolling could be summarised as uneventful. I don’t quite know what I was expecting to find but I thought there would be more to it, given recent events. I’d spent most of the day with Mars, so I remained by their side until we were once again joined by our leader in the evening.
