Page 8 of Fallen Thorns
“You are so sweet, Arlo, I’m glad I met you,” she said after the prolonged silence.
“Oh, thanks.”
“You don’t do this often, do you?”
“No, I’m not really the dating type.” I sincerely hoped that was what she was referencing.
At this she raised an eyebrow, easing back into her chair. “I wouldn’t have pegged you as a ‘fuck them and leave them’ kind of guy.”
My eyes strained wide, and a wave of heat flushed over me. “Oh, dear lord. That’s not what I meant.”
She playfully hit my shoulder. “Oh, I’m just messing with you. Look at your face!”
I laughed awkwardly.
We finished our drinks, talking a little about what we liked and disliked about the city. She told me she worked a ‘pretty average job’ and shared a bit about her life in France and her global travels. I shared a bit about my life, ashamed by mylackof travels. I discussed what it was like studying away from home, which I learned she had never done; she left school at sixteen and never looked back. I kept the conversation light — simple small talk. I wouldn’t have known how to flirt even if I tried.
“Shall we get some air?” Lucy suggested after I closed the tab. She thanked me for paying and stood, placing her hand on my shoulder. It was a very intimate gesture, done in front of everyone. I was a considerable amount taller than her too, inviting even more attention to the action.
I wasn’t stupid. I knew fine well what she really meant by ‘getting some air’, and despite not being sure I wanted what she did (actually, IknewI didn’t want it), I had been the worst company all night and mild curiosity got the better of me.
Maybe this would be good.We all needed to start somewhere, right? I couldn’t hide forever. I was in full control. I could stop whenever I wanted to…
I nodded and followed her out of the door.
It was pitch-black outside,nearing midnight. While a handful of people still congregated around the building, it was a lot quieter than I expected, but I supposed that would work in our favour.
She took me around the corner from the bar, so the only view of us was from the empty river ahead. Slowly, she backed me against the wall, whispering things under her breath as her arms wrapped around my neck.
“You’re so tall,” she observed, and I glanced down; she was standing on her toes to reach me and I was beginning to panic a little. I’d never even come close to kissing someone before. But she was nice, and we were getting on reasonably well. Not to mention, shewasexceedingly attractive — pretty, even. All tattoos and piercings, and a striking confidence I’d always dreamed of having.
She leaned in close, her breath warming my cheek. “You look very hot this evening,” I believe she said in my ear.
And then she kissed me. It wasn’t at all what I expected. I felt no spark or sexual awakening; the kiss was wet and squishy, and as I tried to return it, I knew it was completely wrong and awkward. I was ready to break away, but she pushed harder, tightening her arms and pressing against me so I felt every curve of her body digging into mine. My hands precariously landed upon her waist — an action I believed appropriate, considering I wasn’t getting out of this any time soon. She breathed faster, the corners of her lips turning up between kisses.
I wanted to stop. Everything had started spinning around me and I knew it wasn’t just the alcohol. I dropped my hands and Lucy pulled back, eyes searing into mine. It was dark, but I could have sworn her eyes were a light blue earlier. Not anymore. Under the dimmed lighting, they looked almost…red?
She released a breathy laugh, and before I had a chance to push her away, she pinned me in place with her hips, and began to pull my shirt out from my trousers, forcing her exceptionally cold hands beneath every layer and pressing her palms to my chest.
“Oh, bless you, you are so nervous… This is your first time doing this, isn’t it?” she teased in a much deeper tone than before.
It was, and I was very quickly coming to the realisation that I never wanted to do it again. Ever.
Growing up, I’d always thought it odd how I never related to the feelings described by my friends. For a time, I presumed I must have been gay, but picturing myself sexually withanyonemade me uneasy — and not in a good way.
And then, despite having an undeniably attractive woman throwing herself upon me, I felt nothing. No desire, no butterflies. Nothing. I could have been kissing a wall and it would have felt no different. I tried to enjoy it, I really did, but it shouldn’t have taken that much effort.
I was in control. I could have stopped it at any point, and so, I did. With Lucy’s hands firmly pressed over my heart and her lips lingering on my neck, I pushed her away. I didn’t intend on pushing her so hard, but I wanted no more of this and I needed it to stop before it went any further.
Lucy crossed her arms, red lipstick smudged across her face. I tried to calm my breathing before I spoke, but she beat me to it. “Was I going too fast?”
“A little.” I lied.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
Silence fell upon us.
