Page 86 of Fallen Thorns
But her hair was unmistakable, and she had on the very same outfit she had when we first met… I was losing my mind, surely.
“Earth to Arlo.” A hand in a fingerless glove wafted in my face, obstructing my focused squint on… nothing. There really was no one behind the headstones. How silly of me to even think that.
“Lawrence.” I landed back into the present.
“I just saw you standing there with eyes like a cat planning its next attack. Who are you looking for?” His eyes dramatically wandered across my line of sight. He’d dressed himself like he’d just returned from some sort of spiritual retreat in Iceland; woollen stripes and laced up layers, his trademark skirt trailing the ground.
“Just Mars, they’re running a little late.” I flicked my eyes to my watch, a gesture to make this encounter less awkward.
Lawrence chewed the inside of his mouth. “Ahh, of course. I should have known.” He didn’t say it to be condescending, though perhaps he knew something I should have already known.
“What’s your situation then? Dare I ask?”
My cheeks flushed. “What is that supposed to mean?” It came out regrettably more defensively than I intended.
Lawrence rolled his eyes, again, not to judge me but more perhaps at my naivety. “You know what I mean, Arlo.” As if it’s obvious. “You and Mars. Are you seeing each other? Are you…” He flapped his hands to finish the sentence while I stood, dumbstruck.
“Well?” he added while we waited for my brain to finish computing.
“No,” I said firmly. “We’re not…together.We’re not like that. At all.”
“Ahh. I see.” He raised an eyebrow in feigned belief.
“What?”Am I stupid? Why can’t I read this?
He sighed and this time I was aware he considered me to be inexperienced on the matter.
“Okay then… I’ll shoot my shot.” He stepped a tad closer than I usually like people to stand around me, fresh tobacco with a hint of animal blood warm on his breath.
“I know this is probably inappropriate to ask, considering what I did recently, which, for the record I am stillmorbidlyembarrassed about, and I seriously don’t expect forgiveness for it, but… would you consider grabbing a coffee some time? Just the two of us.” He held his head in an unsure manner, preparing for a slap of disappointment.
I tried my best to hide my utter embarrassment at this conversation, my body verging on panic mode.
“Oh, sorry, Lawrence. I’m not… I don’t…” I wasn’t even sure what the ending of these sentences were meant to be, I was just trying, and failing, at‘letting him down gently’.
“I promise sober me isnothinglike that other me.” He tried to twist it to reassure me. “And the other me is only like that when I take too much gear, which I vow to stop, I really do…”
“Oh no, it’s not that… it’s…”It’s what, Arlo?
“I get it,” he said finally, shrugging. “You’re not into guys.”
I held up my hand in protest. “No, it’s not that.”
“You prefer girls?” he continued to quiz.
“No, I… no.”
“All the beautiful things in between? You know I’m…”
I shook my head, and this time, he stopped.
“You’re confusing me, Arlo… whodoyou like?” He tipped his head as though the answer should be blindingly obvious. “You don’t like men, you don’t like women and you don’t like anyone in between, so which is it?”
I didn’t know — I’d never known, and possibly never would. If I had to try and label my feelings, I’d say I wasn’t reallyanything. Yet I always had this strong urge to constantly reassure people I wasn’t straight.
Lawrence sighed before I could respond, then looked over my shoulder towards, as I quickly guessed, the approaching Mars.
“Here they come. Listen, a word of advice? I’ve seen the way they look at you. The way they act around you and how they worship the ground you walk on. They don’t act like that around anyone else, and I don’t know how you’ve done it, but you’ve entranced them entirely.” Lawrence patted my back as he readied to depart. “Please don’t hurt them.” And with that, he strode off in the opposite direction, and I turned a moment too late to watch Mars’ face fall.
