Page 89 of Fallen Thorns
Her eyes widened. “Oh, I know so. You yearn for purpose and a future andcontrolof your own life. You struggle and you let yourself, even blame yourself, yet you strive for greatness and are frustrated no one can truly help you. At least, that’s what you convince yourself. The self-doubt… those are not the traits of someone who knows they have eternity to do whatever they want. Cling onto that, Arlo, and never let it go.”
Her brutal honesty astounded me, and my chest ached at thetruthof it all. She was right, and I was relieved.She understands. She understands and I didn’t even have to explain myself. I can never truly explain myself.
I let my eyes wander over to the illuminated bridge and castle to our left, tears rising and threatening for release.
“We invited this creature right to you. Let it have open access. We left you helpless,” Marianne’s pitch rose, and only then could I tell she was also trying not to cry.Why does she care?
“Marianne, I…”
“Don’t you dare apologise. You do that too much. Too much, Arlo. You havenothing, I repeat,nothingto apologise to me about, or my Thorns. You are no burden, just a boy who was trying to live his life to the fullest before beingdraggedinto this world headfirst and forced to keep above the raging tide of an endless ocean.”
She was beginning to sound like Mars. Or maybe Mars sounded like Marianne. Maybe they both had a point.
I was crying. Not how I thought this evening would have started.
“I won’t hug you because Mars and Rani have made it very clear you do not like that.”
They did?My breathing hitched.
“But I will protect you and I want you to be happy. I want you to live this life the best way you can, and I will use every last drop of strength to guarantee that.”
A sense of déjà vu overcame me then. I’d heard this kind of promise before — many times in my life, in fact — to the point where I could no longer be certain of its validity.
“If I can help you understand yourself in any way, I would love to try.”
Too many emotions had pent up in my chest and they all emerged in one shaky laugh. “You can fix my brain if you want. Explain to me why emotions are so impossible to understand.”
She smiled at that. “See, you are still very much yourself, I know why Mars cares so deeply about you.”
They worship the ground you walk on.
Mars.
“That’s where I’m confused,” I eventually said.Why did I say that?
Marianne didn’t give me the weird look I expected however… in fact, she appeared to understand exactly what I was about to say…
“You think Mars likes you in a way you can’t reciprocate.”
“Yeah.” I breathed it out as a deep sigh.
“But you don’t think it’s a problem with Mars.”
“No.”
“That’s a perfectly normal reaction… evenIonly understand love to an extent,” she chuckled to herself. “Here’s where my maternal instinct kicks in.”
Love.
“Arlo, I’m going to ask you a very personal question, but I hope you’ll hear me out because I actually think Icanhelp here.”
“Okay.”
“Have you ever been in love?”
“Never.”
She nodded her head. “Understandable. You’re only what, eighteen, nineteen?”
