Page 90 of Fallen Thorns
“Nineteen.”
Another nod. “But do you find yourself wanting to be in love? Answer me honestly.”
“No.” A sudden weight fell from my shoulders.
“And do you ever want to be in a relationship? Do you want — forgive me if I sound cheesy — do you want romance?”
“I don’t think I do, no.”
“And do you think there is something wrong with you for thinking that?”
I… how does she know this?
“Arlo, have you ever considered the fact that this is an entirely normal thing. That there are people out there, many in fact, who feel exactly the same?”
I was stunned. Of course, I’d come across the termasexuala handful of times, and some related terms, but I’d never given myself the time to look into it. The world around us was so inherently sexualised that my brain always drew the same conclusion: that these poor people must be very lonely, and I pitied them.How could anyone not want love like that?I would think, despite never looking at myself and what I wanted. What I didn’t want.
“Is that it then?” I asked.
“It may well be. I can’t answer that for you, but I can sense when I’m right.” Marianne flashed a smile. “You understand that it is perfectly normal and very human in fact tonotwant these things? You know that, right?”
I said nothing, overwhelmed with the giant, thousand-piece puzzle in my head that was coming closer and closer to completing itself as she spoke and…
“I’m ace.”
“Seems like it.”
“And…aromantic, is that the word?”
Marianne nodded.
“And so…”
She smiled again. “So, do you understand that you are not broken?”
“I’m not?”
“Arlo, my dear, do you want to know something? It took me over two hundred years to figure out that I wanted nothing to do with sex and romance and all those icky feelings that came so naturally to everyone else. It took me over two hundred andfiftyyears to learn that there are many different types of love and that they are all equally important. They all have a role in our lives and thatnotfeeling some of them does not diminish the strength and power of the other types, and in fact friendship…” she took a deep breath, still shaking as I was, “there is nothing more omnipotent than friendship. And you, Arlo, will never,ever,be alone. You are loved in so many ways and don’t for one second think that because you don’t want romance that it makes you any less of a man or a human or even a goddamn being on this planet.”
She calmed herself. “You owe the world nothing. You are perfect just the way you are. Never forget that.”
I grabbed her and pulled her into the tightest hug I’d allowed myself to give in years. It took Marianne a moment to absorb what just happened, but then I felt her arms tighten around my back and I was grounded, more than I ever had been in my whole time in this city.
I am not broken.
“Does that feel better?Figuring that out?”
We recommenced our walk, my rib cage unweighted, and the burning confusion in my mind had finally flown free. One less thing off my chest.It’s fine. I’m fine. I’m unbroken.
“I think I’ve always known… just notrealisedI’ve known.”
“That makes perfect sense. We know ourselves more than anyone else ever could, even if the world doesn’t give us the eyes to see it.”
“So, you’re like me then? You don’t want, you know… stuff? It doesn’t feel right?”
She released a pleasant laugh. “Yes. I’m aromantic asexual, if I want to put a label to it. I don’t wantstuff.”
“And you don’t wish you were different?”
