Page 91 of Fallen Thorns
“Not at all. For a time I believed I should wish I was different, but then I quickly learned that it had nothing to do with me… it was merely an issue with everyone else not wishing to take the time to understand.”
We stepped through the narrowing path as we crossed under a bridge, and each step I took, the more I realised how much I’d let the world manipulateme. It was like I’d spent my life in a trance and only now was I finally waking up.
“Be proud of yourself,” was Marianne’s final comment on the topic, followed with a gentle pinch to my coat sleeve.
“Why didyou really want to walk with me?” I asked, skirting alongside the black, iron railings between the path and the river, keeping my coat wrapped tightly around me. I knew this would shift the mood, but no matter what we discussed, it would always come back around to this.
“You’ve probably already guessed that, Arlo.”
“What I did to Rani.”
A nod indicated my correct assumption.
“I suppose we’re at a point now where I have no choice but to be honest with you and explain why it scared me.”
Worry drowned my senses. I suspected she was about to bring up Isiah and indicate how my behaviour displayed parallels to him — something that crossed my mind frequently.
“I had a friend once, a very long time ago. Well before everything. In fact, you could say he was my best friend. We’d both been around a very long time, had seen and experienced the same things. We drifted after a long while…” she waved her hand dismissively, “but that’s beside the point. This friend was unmatched, possessing skills on all levels. We argued and started to fall out a lot. We disagreed on how we saw the world and ultimately, I left him because hescaredme. I ran away, wanting nothing more to do with him or the perspective he watched the universe from. His strength was terrifying, to the point where I hold him wholly responsible for why I do what I do now. I protect people; vampires and humans alike. If I’d been experienced like I am now back then, I would have killed him, no hesitation. But instead, I ran away. Despite having horrific encounters all my life, I’d never feltthatlevel of fear until I watched a newly turned crawl so deeply into the mind of an innocent as effortlessly as the flow of water and not even realise the extent of what they had just done.”
“It didn’t feeldifficult.” That frightened me.
“And that’s my issue. It should have. It’s one thing to encourage a thought, an entirely different thing altogether to watch her eyes go blank, as if her entire soul had been exhumed from her body.”
I never even noticed.
“If your ability falls into the wrong hands, if you are misled in any way, you will fall into a hole so black and so vile, there will be no hope for redemption.”
Michael. She’s talking about Michael. Can I even call him that? Does she know?
“So, I wanted to ask for your permission to do something. It’s not something I enjoy norwantto have to do, but I fear it’s the only way to keep you safe.”
I looked at her, anticipating the worst.
“I want to put a lock on your mind and halt this ability so that you cannot use it, even if you try.”
“Can you do that?”
“I’ve done it before. It’s not… pleasant, and not something Iwantto do. It leaves a pungent smell…”
It took a few swallows to remove the lump in my throat. “If that’s what you think is best.”
“Good. I’m relieved you understand.”
“For how long?” I asked, controlling my breathing to calm my nerves.
“As long as necessary. Until we remove your direct threat and I can train you properly.”
“But I’ll still be me?” My only concern.
“Of course, nothing will change, you will just be… safer.”
You are going to let her take control of your mind?
I rubbed my eyes with the palms of my hands. “Okay. Now?”
She pointed up ahead to a building where there was a viewing point with a metal bench. “It won’t take long.”
I could sense she was trying to Manipulate me there. The same way I was still so very self-aware after a few drinks — the way Iknewhow everything functioned, but didn’t have the capacity to care. So I gave in trying to deflect it.
