Page 26 of Half-Hearted
I shot a quick glare up at Raj. He’d done that on purpose. “It’s fine. I’ll take a cab.”
Joel gave a stiff shrug. “I don’t mind.”
Iminded, but before I could voice another argument, Raj jumped in. “Thanks, mate. I really appreciate it.” He turned back to me. “Ciao, darling. Enjoy the rest of your evening. Text me when you’re home.” Then he pecked my cheek, winked, and slipped away to say goodbye to Marta and Jonathan. I may have clung onto his sleeve for a second too long, tempted to yank him back.
And then it was just the two of us.
Us and the long, wordless silence.
But at least everyone else was having a really good time. They were all dancing and laughing and chatting behind Joel, which was where my eyes were focused.
“Raj seems… nice,” Joel eventually said. A tight muscle in his cheek twitched like it protested the description.
“He’s lovely,” I agreed, smoothing the side of my dress again. I wasn’t really sure what else to do with my hands.
“And you seem…” He trailed off again, searching my eyes for the rest of his broken sentence. “Perfectly well,” he eventually finished.
I almost laughed in his face. Or cried. I wasn’t sure which one of the two was responsible for the gravel churning in my throat.
“Thanks,” I muttered instead, unsure of what else to say. Unsure of where he was trying to go with this conversation. Unsure of what I was even doing standing here, talking to him. Why had I let Raj leave so easily? And why the hell was Joel looking at me like that? As thoughI’dbeen the one who’d rippedhisheart to irreparable shreds.
Or maybe I was misinterpreting his expression and it was all just in my head again.
“Alexis, wait.” He stepped in front of me when I tried to walk away, fingers caressing my arm. I pulled away, ignoring the way that one tiny touch shot straight to my chest, like it always did. I hated it. I hated this. “Can we talk? Please?”
“I don’t have a lot to say to you right now.”
“Okay, then just listen—”
I slipped past him, heading for the refreshments through the scattered groups of chattering guests.
“You’ve been ignoring me for almost twomonths, Alexis,” he said quietly, falling smoothly into step beside me. “I’ve sent you god knows how many texts. I’ve called, emailed, I’ve sent flowers and apologies and… I’ve tried almost everything I can think of to get you to just talk to me. What more can I do? What else do you need from me?”
I stopped, fists curling at my sides as I turned to him again. “Time. I need time, Joel.” Was that much not at least obvious?
He swallowed. “Two months wasn’t enough?”
No, clearly it wasn’t. Just looking at him now was… torture. My chest squeezed, my throat ached, and I was a half breath away from melting into yet another puddle of tears. “Didn’t even scratch the surface.”
He held my gaze for a long time before speaking, and I could have sworn there was a hint of pleading desperation in his eyes. “How long do you need?”
Right now, it felt like an entire lifetime might not be enough. I looked around the yard in helpless exasperation and unintentionally caught Rebecca’s curious eye. And then Emre’s. And Jae’s and one of the distant cousins I hadn’t been introduced to yet, and oh. Oh no. People were looking. Why were people looking?
I became more aware of myself, of Joel, our spoken tones and body language relative to one another. We were standing too close, I realized, with my angry fists too stiff at my sides and his massive frame curved too possessively over me.
Joel straightened, clearing his throat as he became aware of our audience. I took a subtle step back. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll give you time, but you’ll have to do the same for me, then. It’s only fair.”
“What?” What did that mean?
“One hour,” he said, fists sinking into his pockets. He was wearing the dark green shirt I’d picked out for him when we’d gone Christmas shopping together last year. It looked incredible on him but was an odd choice for the season, the fabric being a little too thick for the summer heat. Maybe that was why he was so flushed. It didn’t explain the unsteadiness of his voice, though. “Give me one hour. And I promise that if you still want distance and time, then I’ll leave you alone. No more calls or texts or flowers or… anything. But you have to give me the full hour.”
I chewed the inside of my lip, hesitating. The thought of listening to him list all the reasons why we couldn’t be together made me want to squirm out of my skin. On the other hand, leaving things as they were could make everything extra awkward and uncomfortable in the long term.
“It’s only fair,” he said again.
And I stupidly caved.
9
