Page 32 of Half-Hearted
I’ddone that.
The tears were my fault.
“We did,” I agreed. “I’m sorry.”
There was no point in lying anymore. To anyone, including myself. The truth was probably going to damage my relationship with Ethan—end it, even, because of how poorly I’d handled everything so far, but I didn’t have a choice. I’d been lying for so long, and it… this whole mess was my own damn fault.
“I want to fall in love with someone who loves me back. I want to get married, I want to have kids, and I can’t because of you.”
Ethan could hit me as many times as he needed to, and it wouldn’t come close to the gut-wrenching pain I’d experienced hearing Alexis say those words. Thinking about her walking down the aisle toward someone else.
Raj.
I wanted to vomit.
Punch something.
Pick her up, wrap my arms around her, and tell herno. She was mine.
Mine.
“Wait,” Alexis started, keeping her eyes strictly on her brother. I didn’t blame her for it; I couldn’t stand me either right now. “What deal?”
Ethan raised his brows at me pointedly.
I exhaled. “Ethan and I made a pact when we were fifteen, after one of my exes… There was a party, there was drinking, she went in for a kiss. He turned her down, told me about it, and we made a pact that day.” I swallowed, shamefully stuffing my hands into my pockets. “‘No exes, no sisters,’” I recited.
Alexis huffed out a dry, humorless laugh and rolled her eyes. “Of course you did,” she said directly to her brother. “You need to relax. Joel wouldn’t touch me if you paid him to do it, so… your precious pact remains in full, untainted tact. Like I said, nothing’s happened.”
My heart hurled itself punishingly into my ribs.
“Then why the hell were you crying?”
She shrugged. “The only thing you need to know is that he didn’t touch me. We’ve never hooked up, and we’re never going to. The rest of it doesn’t matter.”
Ethan’s skeptical glare returned to me, waiting for confirmation. She’d given me an out, and they were both waiting for me to take it.
I saw the whole thing play out in my head like a movie. I’d agree with her. Ethan would believe me. We’d go for beers tonight, I’d point out how strained and tired he looked, he’d brush me off as usual, and then we’d talk about last night’s game. Which Ethan wouldn’t have had the time to watch yet.
Everything with us would go back to normal, and Alexis…
“I’m in love with her.”
I said it slowly, firmly, needing it to sink in the first time. I didn’t want there to be any confusion.
Still, Ethan seemed to need further clarification. His usual frown unfurled, brows reaching for the high heavens. His jaw fell. Snapped. Fell. “What.”
“I’m in love with Alexis,” I said again, not daring to look at her yet. This wasn’t the way I’d wanted her to find out, but then again, I didn’t think she ever would. “I’ve been in love with her for a while.” A third time, just in case. “She didn’t know. I hadn’t… acted on it.” I’d barely allowed myself to acknowledge it.
The silence that followed was long and heavy with shock. I waited for them to process, my heart booming in my ears. Seconds turned to minutes, the silence clawing at me until I couldn’t take it anymore. I risked a glance at Alexis and—
“Office,” Ethan barked at me before turning to his sister. “Stay here for a minute. I need to talk to him.”
She said nothing.
I stopped in front of her, wanting to at least make sure she was okay before I followed Ethan to my potential death. She gaped up at me, eyes wide and unblinking.
“You okay if I…” I motioned my head toward her brother.
