Page 35 of Half-Hearted
The door eventually opened, and Ethan came out. He said something, but I didn’t even realize he was talking until it was too late. He’d already walked away, and the apartment door had already clicked shut.
I had a shoulder leaned against the wall, arms wrapped around myself, staring blankly down the hall, waiting. Until Joel finally stepped out.
“Hey,” he said quietly. His eyes wandered over my face and neck, softening as they traced the dried tearstains. “I’m sorry. I’m an idiot.”
The only thing I could do was stare up at him.
A year.
He’d told Ethan it had been a whole year.
“I got too deep into my own head about my insecurities, and I… Alexis, I just didn’t want to lose you, and I didn’t want to lose Ethan, and I’m really fucking sorry.”
An entire year.
He’d loved me.
For an entireyear.
“Even if I thought you felt the same, I… we’ve known each other for too long, we’re too close… we would be starting a relationship in the middle, and if it didn’t work out, or if you changed your mind…” His throat bobbed with a hard swallow. “Lex, you haven’t talked to me in six weeks, and I’ve lost my mind a hundred times over. Losing you permanently would destroy me. I didn’t want to risk it.”
He took a step forward, chin dipping to hold my gaze. “Say something now, please. Tell me what you’re thinking. I need to know how badly I’ve messed this up.”
Joel waited patiently while I gaped back at him, heart galloping as I tried to find my voice.
“Say it again,” I eventually demanded.
Somehow, he knew exactly what I meant. “I love you,” he whispered. The words rolled off his tongue easily. There was no hesitation, no pause, noquestion.
My chest was going to explode.
“Again.”
The corners of his lips started to curve into a smooth smile. He brought a warm hand to cup my cheek, caress my skin, and steal my stuttering breath. “I’m in love with you, Alexis.”
Holy shit.
I swallowed. My mouth was uncomfortably dry. Probably because it’d been hanging open for the last however long. “Again.”
Joel let out a tiny, amused huff and leaned down. “Lex…” His nose grazed mine, testing, waiting to see if I pulled back or pushed him away. I didn’t. “I’m in love with you.”Wow.No matter how many times he said it, it felt like I was hearing it for the first time. “I want you. You have no idea how badly I want you.”
My whole back was against the wall now, somehow.
“I love you,” he murmured without prompt, warm breath tickling my skin. A shiver of satisfaction trickled down my spine, settling deep in my core. “It’s so overwhelming that sometimes I think I’ll go crazy with it. You’ve ruined me, Lex.”
He was standing so, so close now. A couple more inches and I’d be pressed tightly to the wall. Trapped. Unable to breathe, probably. Hopefully.
Joel nuzzled my nose again, tipping his head lightly to the side as his other hand found mine.
“Tell me what you’re thinking. Please.”
Why haven’t you kissed me yet?
What the heck are you waiting for?
“I’m not with anyone,” I admitted, in case it was holding him back. “Raj is only a friend. And barely even that. There’s nothing between us, so…”
And I swear he lost a full inch of tension in his shoulders. He tilted my face up, brown eyes searching mine. “Really?”
