Page 77 of That Birthday in Barbados
My phone beeps, and I reach for it, glancing at the screen. Anders’ name makes my heart drop. I have purposefully blocked my mind of any thoughts of him. The darkness of this place and the reason I’m here overshadows Barbados and everything that happened there. Part of me wonders if it actually happened at all.
I tap into Messages and then on Anders’ name.
I can’t stop thinking about you. How is your sister?
I consider what to say. Every response that comes to mind sounds trivial.
She is the same. No change yet. Thank you for asking.
How are you?
I’m okay.
Really?
I start to type. Stop.
Catherine. I want to come there. Be with you.
Reading the words, a sob rises out of my chest and spills into the silent room. The thought of having Anders here, burying myself in the circle of his arms is a comfort I do not deserve. I don’t deservehim.
My fingers type before I can let my heart change my mind.
What we had was wonderful. But it wasn’t something that could last. We both know that. I don’t know how the days we had together convinced me what we had was real. It felt real. But my life is here. Escape isn’t an option. I wish only the best for you, Anders. I won’t be coming back there. It’s better that we say goodbye now. I’m not the woman for you. I’m sorry.
I exit out of the message app, the screen blurring in front of my eyes. I turn off the phone and put it away.
Chapter Forty-two
“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.”
?Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Anders
SOME PART OF me knows she is right.
What I had with Catherine fits every definition of a vacation romance.
She came to Barbados for a temporary escape from a very demanding life. I knew that up front. I live in a place that is fantasy to most. A temporary escape at best.
That’s what it was for Catherine. Reality for her is a successful business in which she still plays a vital role. And I know she will blame herself for her sister’s suicide attempt. I truly hope that is what it turns out to be. An attempt.
I want to go to her, break down the walls she is building around her own desire for happiness. But the timing is wrong. I don’t want her memories of me, her vision of what we could have been, to be woven into the fabric of the pain she is going through.
What choice is there then but to accept what she is asking of me?
Chapter Forty-three
“Keep your face always toward the sunshine – and shadows will fall behind you.”
?Walt Whitman
Catherine
IT’S THE END of Nicole’s second week in the hospital. There has been no change in her condition. She isunresponsive to all stimulus, doesn’t respond to our pleas for her to wake up. Her stare seems to see a thousand miles away, and Idespair that she will never come back.
Mom and Dad have gone downstairs for a cup of coffee when I go in for my fifteen minute visit with Nicole. I’m sitting in a chair next to her bed, massaging the palm of her left hand when Doctor Lewis comes in to check on her for morning rounds. He’s a nice enough man who looks overworked. His gray hair is a little too long, as if he hasn’t taken the time for a haircut in a while. I’ve formed the impression that he cares about his patients. There are just too many of them. He greets me with a quick good morning and a perfunctory, “Any changes you’ve noticed?”
