Page 81 of That Birthday in Barbados
Tears well up, slide down her cheeks. “I know it’s awful, Cat. What I did is inexcusable. Unforgivable. And you were a good sister to me. It’s not your fault that I felt like less. You never tried to make me feel that way. Everything that happened is my fault.”
“I wasn’t a perfect sister,” I say. “I know that. There were times when I took you for granted. But I loved you. And?”
“I betrayed you.”
I could deny it, but nothing really makes sense to me except being willing to look at the truth. “It felt that way. But where there’s love, there should be forgiveness. I should have forgiven you, Nicole.”
Nicole starts to cry then, bone deep sobs pouring out of her. “I don’t deserve it.”
I sit on the edge of the bed, put my arms around her, pull her tight against me. “Yes,” I say. “You do deserve it. And I forgive you. I want you back, Nic. I’ve missed you. I’ve missed us.”
Nicole presses her face to my shoulder. Her tears wet my blouse.
Minutes pass, and Nicole goes limp, silent. And then she slips her arms around me, hugs me back. So hard that I cannot take a deep breath.
That’s how our parents find us. I look up to see Mom and Dad standing in the doorway, their faces lit with relief and joy. I hold out a hand. They walk over and circle us both with their arms. And for the first time in a very long while, it feels as if we might finally have a chance to be whole again.
Chapter Forty-eight
“That is one good thing about this world…there are always sure to be more springs.”
?L.M. Montgomery
Catherine
OVER THE NEXT two days, Nicole and I pour our hearts out to each other. We say things we should have said long ago, airing hurts and slights until we finally reach what feels like the bottom of them. Once we’re done, it feels as if the painful stuff has been purged, and we can navigate our way back to what was once good between us. And we start to talk about the old times, crazy stuff we did as kids, climbing trees we shouldn’t have climbed, sneaking into a neighbor’s barn so we could play with the baby chicks. And the times we tried our parents’ patience to breaking point, the dumb stuff we did as teenagers when we thought we knew everything there was to know.
The first time Nicole smiles, I feel as if a storm-dark sky has been penetrated by a ray of sun, and there is hope that we might have sunny days ahead. They won’t all be that way. Life isn’t like that. I’m old enough to accept this. But the good days are worth the bad ones we endure. And while I’ve had plenty of friends I value and appreciate, family is different. Nicole and I have a lifetime of history. No one, other than my mom and dad, has known me longer, loved me longer. I will never again forget the value of this. Despite the way we’vebeen tested, I love her and always will.
Chapter Forty-nine
“There is a saying in Tibetan, ‘Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.’ No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster.”
? Dalai Lama
Catherine
I’M IN THE cafeteria on the main floor of the hospital getting a salad I amadmittedly tired of as the mainstay of my diet when I hear someone say my name.
The voice sends a wave of shock rippling through me. I gostill, sure I’ve imagined it.
Slowly, I turn around. “Anders.”
He looks uncertain, as if he isn’t sure I will be happy to see him. “Hi,” he says.
“Hi,” I say back, my gaze taking in the unbelievably wonderful sight of him. He’s dressed in faded jeans and a white button-down shirt, his tan skin visible at his throat and arms where the sleeves are rolled up. My heart is beating so fast I can feel it against my chest. “What?”
“I should have called. But I knew you would tell me not to come.”
I start to deny it. He’s right though. I would have. I’m suddenly remembering what I must look like, all remnants of my own sun-kissed skin gone beneath the hospital’s fluorescent light pallor. My hair is pulled back in a ponytail, and I haven’t bothered to put on makeup since I got here. “I look?”
“Beautiful,” he says.
“Hah. No.”
“I was headed to the information desk when I saw you in here.”
“I can’t believe you came.”
