Page 16 of The Strawberry Field
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Twenty-Five Years Ago
IT WASN’T THAT Jake ever gave me a reason to believe he liked me that way. He didn’t.
In fact, he was frustratingly careful—always holding me at arm’s length. No matter how many summer afternoons I spent trying to get closer, he never crossed that invisible line between us.
Tommy teased me relentlessly about my crush on Jake.
“Little sis,” he said one afternoon as we sat on the dock.“You know he can’t like you like that, right?Y’all are in different phases.”
We’d been sitting on the dock on a summer afternoon when he hadn’t been working. A thunderstorm hung in the distant sky, and I had known just from the regular patterns of our summer days that the rain would be arriving soon. Rolling my eyes, I said, “What about you and that eighteen-year-old you were hanging out with a couple of years ago?”
“She was legal,” he said with a smirk.“Old enough to make her own choices.”
“It’s only two years, Tommy,” I shot back. “Why does that make it such a big deal?”
“It’s just that he’s older than you. I don’t think our parents would be thrilled about that.”
“You don’t know what they’d think.”
“I do,” he said.“You’re their little girl.”
“I don’t want to be their little girl,” I snapped, crossing my arms. The words came out angry, but what followed was worse—a lump in my throat, hot tears sliding down my cheeks. I hated that he saw them. That he saw me.
“Aw, hey now,” Tommy said gently.“I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
“You didn’t,” I mumbled, turning away.
“You’re hung up on him.”
I didn’t answer. I didn’t have to.
“Has he said anything to make you think—”
“No.” I wiped at my face.“He hasn’t. He’s done nothing wrong.”
“I didn’t think so. Jake’s a good guy.”
“I know.”
Tommy put a hand on my shoulder, gave it a quick squeeze.“I get it. I do. But you know it can’t happen. Not right now.”
I wanted to scream at the unfairness of it. At time itself, at age, at everything that stood between us.
“I didn’t ask to feel this way about him,” I whispered.
“I know,” Tommy said.“Love doesn’t work like that. The lightning bolt strikes wherever it wants.”
We sat in silence, the storm inching closer. The sky had darkened, the air charged and restless.
“Might be a good idea to take some space,” he said eventually.“Maybe… don’t see him for a while.”
The suggestion knocked the wind out of me.
Jake was the closest I’d come to feeling like someone saw the parts of me I didn’t have to explain. The sensitive parts. The soft-hearted parts. I didn’t have to shield those with him.
But I knew Tommy was right.
