Page 47 of The Strawberry Field
I’m alone in the wilderness, someplace unfamiliar, vast, and quiet, when a mountain appears in front of me. Towering. Impossible. I’m barefoot, without gear or direction, and yet I know with complete certainty: I need to climb it.
I move toward the base, but every time I do, the mountain shifts, and the center realigns. No matter where I approach, it keeps moving away from me.
Eventually, I stop trying to outmaneuver it.
And I just start climbing.
The slope is steep from the first step. I scramble upward, gripping rocks, digging my toes into shallow holds. When I finally make progress, the incline tilts again, steeper still, the top disappearing into the clouds.
But I don’t stop.
I don’t look up.
I just keep going.
One ledge at a time. One breath at a time. The air thins, burning my lungs, but I keep climbing.
I wake in the middle of the climb, chest heaving, soaked in sweat. My body is still, but it feels like I’ve been moving for hours. The sun is just beginning to creep through the curtains, the light faint and golden across the ceiling.
I lie there for a long moment, staring up, thinking about the dream.
The woman climbing that mountain, that was the old me. The girl who believed obstacles were just puzzles waiting to be solved. The one who thought endurance would always be enough.
Not that long ago, driving down here from New York, I believed she was gone for good.
That I’d never know her again.
But now… I’m not so sure.
Maybe she’s still in there.
Buried, yes. Bruised, maybe.
But not gone.
Yesterday, standing in Jake’s arms, I felt something stir. A quiet resolve. A flicker of fight. For the first time in weeks,maybe months, I didn’t feel like someone fading.
Listening to him talk about what he’d lived through, what he’d lost, and how he kept going…
It made something inside me sit up and listen.
I realized: I can’t be a victim.
I can’t let life break me.
That’s not who I am. That’s never been who I am.
I’ve always wanted to give the best of myself.
To make a difference where I could.
And maybe, just maybe, that’s still possible.
I don’t know yet.
But for the first time in a long time, I want to find out. And the only way to do that…is to try.
“We shall not cease from exploration,
