Page 56 of Only One Bed: Anthology Vol. 1
Ryan pulled off my panties, gentle as a whisper. His tongue was slow and hot, and I had to take two handfuls of my sleeping bag to keep from grabbing him by the hair to show him what I wanted. What he wanted was to ruin my life, and I was ready to let him. Why shouldn’t I? There was precious little of it left, anyway.
It felt like he ate me out all night, letting me get close and easing off a thousand times until I felt like I was about to die, until I told him how much I hated him. I expected him to laugh, but he moaned instead, his tongue moving faster. The sound was unbelievably hot, the sensation almost too much to handle. I came, a wave of lightning running through my veins and leaving me wrung out. My body wanted to give out, my hands shaking when I pushed him away to grab my backpack, but the thought of stopping to rest didn’t even enter my mind. I dug in the front pocket of my bag, where I'd dumped my whole purse, and I had condoms in there.
"You came prepared," Ryan said. I kissed him to shut him up, tasting my own bitterness all over his lips and tongue. We both fumbled with his jeans – God, who went to bed in jeans – until he could slide them a little down his hips. He felt good in my hand, warm and hard. I felt completely carved out, starved for him.
I slid the condom onto the head of his dick, pushing it the rest of the way with my mouth. He gasped as my lips touched the base of his cock. The latex tasted horrible, but I sucked him for a few long strokes, listening to his moans grow more desperate. The sound completely bypassed my brain, burrowing inside me and making me squirm. Ryan used a handful of my braids to gently pull me away. In the pale light of the lantern, his face was flushed, his brown eyes smoky with desire. He looked as ready to come apart as I felt.
"That feels really good, but I want to fuck you. Lay back?" He asked. I did, spreading my legs open for him despite the chill in the air. "Jesus." He pulled off his shirt, his chest hot and fuzzy against mine as I wrapped my arms around his neck.
Ryan pushed inside me, the curve of his dick hitting just the right spot with a warm stretch. It was sweet relief to feel every inch of him, to hear his breath catch. He kissed my throat, slow strokes burning me up inside. I snaked my arms under his, grabbing two handfuls of his perfect ass, but I lost my grip when he pushed up on his hands, changing to a new angle that made me moan. He drove into me hard and fast, and I knew he was close by the way he bit his lip. I reached down to rub my clit, rushing myself to come so hard I saw spots. When I tightened against him, it made another orgasm crash over me, and he groaned, his body going rigid as he came.
He collapsed into me, both of us catching our breath in relative silence. The rain had slowed, playing a constant, gentle beat on the nylon above us, and after a while, Ryan pulled his sleeping bag open and over both of us. I kind of liked this part of camping, warm and comfortable in a cozy tent while it was horrible outside. I nuzzled into Ryan’s neck, completely relaxed at last, and he held me tighter, letting out a long, contented sigh.
"You’re like a big, cuddly teddy bear," I said. Ryan laughed and kissed my temple. It would be easy to get used to being loved on like this, and a little bit of regret blossomed in my mind. I missed him already, even thought I’d just met him. I had to shove those feelings out of my mind before they ruined my whole night.
"I'm glad you let me help you," he said.
"Me too, but you already said that."
"Well, I get the idea that you're not someone who likes to accept help, so I'm pretty grateful."
I was suddenly too hot, wrapped up in Ryan's arms, and our sleeping bags. I didn't answer, because if I did, I'd say something I regretted. It was like he was purposely trying to sound like my final work assessment just to remind me of my flaws. I pushed off the sleeping bag, found myself too cold, and put on my shirt. A drop of water somehow worked its way through the tent and spattered on the back of my neck, sending a shudder down my spine.
"I shouldn't have said that," Ryan said.
"Observant," I replied. Too sharply, judging by the way he widened the gap I'd put between us. I hated myself for being a mess who couldn't even keep my easiest job ever, putting numbers in spreadsheets for a paycheck that was big enough to feel like a mistake. I hated myself for being angry at Ryan, but I hated myself even more for letting myself care what he thought. For being sad that it had to be over so soon when I knew how it would end. For giving into desire in the first place. "I guess it doesn't matter. It's not like we'll ever see each other again."
"Yeah." Ryan's voice was strained, his expression hurt. There was a long, horrible silence in which I knew I'd said the wrong thing but couldn't admit it, or say sorry. Ryan was a better, more open person than I was, and that made me feel even worse. "I should go check on Basil."
He didn't come back.
* * *
My alarm wentoff at six, Sunday morning. It was a criminal hour for someone who was unemployed, and my eyes were puffy and itchy from crying myself to sleep. But I wanted to get the hell out of there before Ryan woke up and came back to our campsite. I felt bad about leaving his tent just sitting there, but not as bad as I'd feel if I had to talk to him. Or apologize. Or look at the campsite and make myself all sad about what had happened.
I went through a truncated version of my morning routine, not bothering to shower. I'd just do that when I got home. Maybe I’d even take a hot bath once I was in my apartment and felt like I could let my guard down. Obviously, I couldn’t trust myself to do that around somebody else.
I packed everything up haphazardly and made a run for my car, but I felt my pace slow as I passed Ryan's truck. No signs of life, thank goodness, but I felt like I was catching secondhand regrets just by looking at a parked vehicle.
"Hey, Mat."
I stopped dead in my tracks. Caught in the act of escaping. Basil came up behind me and started licking my hand, so I had to turn around to give him some attention. I could ignore a human, but not a dog.
"You okay?" Ryan asked. He looked tired as hell and just as cute as ever. Damn him.
"Why are you always asking me that?" I asked. I wasn't trying to be mean; it was just something I'd noticed. Ryan shrugged.
"I'm always too open with my own feelings. I sometimes don't pay close enough attention to what other people are feeling, so I have to check in."
"That makes sense. I should start doing that so I stop being such a huge bummer." There I went again, saying things I shouldn’t. I squatted down to give Basil some more pets. I didn't want to look Ryan in the eye. "I'm sorry. I just...got a little maudlin, I guess."
"I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean to hurt you. It was a good weekend, wasn't it?" he asked. I looked up at his wistful expression. It was like looking in an extremely handsome mirror, and it made my soft little heart ache.
"Yeah. Most of it." I made myself smile. His returning smile was tentative.
"You know, this doesn't have to be the last time we see each other. I'd really like to see you again," Ryan said. A gentle, hopeful warmth filled me. I wanted to see him again, every day, if I could. The sudden happiness faded. I stood, brushing Basil fur off my hands. This was about to get sad again, and I wanted to be able to flee as soon as possible. He watched me warily, like he knew I was thinking about making a run for it.
"It's a long way to see each other," I said instead. I tried to keep my voice steady, but it shook a little.
