Page 7 of Better in Black
Does he recall Ella?Brother Zachariah asked.
Will’s eyes darted between Tessa and Zachariah; he could hear the Silent Brother’s voice as well as she could. He shook his head very slightly. “I do not remember an Ella.”
“I haven’t been able to bear to ask what he recalls and what he doesn’t,” Tessa whispered. “I hoped you could simply touch his mind somehow, and restore what he has forgotten.”
But Will held up a hand, his Voyance rune flashing on the back. “But I wished for this,” he said. “I must have had some reason for wanting to forget.”
Tessa wanted to scream. She was sure he hadn’t wished to forget as much as he had, only to forget what Madame Dorothea hadtold him about Ella. But how could she convince Will of that when he didn’t even remember making the wish at all?
Gently, Zachariah said,I will change nothing about your memories, Will. Let me simply see what has been done to your mind. I promise, I will do nothing else.
Will looked as if he wanted to protest, but his gaze never left Jem’s face. As if there remained something in Will that told him to trust Jem. Something that recognized a piece of his soul, even if he could not consciously recall it.
Slowly, Will nodded. And Jem came over to him, and laid his slender, runed fingers against Will’s temple.
For a long moment, the three of them stood motionless and silent. Only Will’s eyes moved, roving over Zachariah’s face with a sort of puzzlement, as if he were trying hard to place him. At last, Zachariah drew his hand back, and spoke silently to Tessa alone:
The wish he made was to forget all pain, and so he no longer remembers anything associated with pain. Not you, for he remembers the pain of knowing he could never be with you. And not me, because of all that has happened to separate us.
“What is it?” Will said. “What did you see?”
Zachariah said,You made a wish to forget a painful incident, and you have forgotten more than just that.
Will’s eyes flashed. “I made a wish andthatwas what I used it on? Why didn’t I wish for a hundred trained puppies that respond only to my commands?”
At another time, Tessa would have laughed—Will could always make her laugh. Instead, she smiled faintly at him. “I suppose you must have had your reasons.”
It is time. I must go,Zachariah said, so suddenly it jolted Tessa. He walked out of the bedroom, leaving Will looking even more puzzled.
Tessa hurried after Zachariah. She caught up with him at the front door, barely restraining herself from catching at his arm to hold him back. He was a Silent Brother now, she reminded herself. She could not touch him like that, as if he were still her Jem.
“Please,” she said. “What do I do?”
Zachariah stopped, his hand on the doorknob. His face turned away from Tessa’s, he said,This is warlock magic, and of a type that must be undone by a warlock. But he made this wish freely, Tessa. This was his choice.
“It can’t be what he would have wanted,” Tessa said.
I, too, would prefer to think it is not,he said, somewhat surprising her. Silent Brothers rarely spoke of their wishes or preferences. But there was a faint undercurrent of pain in Zachariah’s silent voice that reminded Tessa of the ways in which he was not like the others.It pains me that he does not recall me too, Tessa.
“I am sorry,” Tessa whispered. “If only he had merely wished to forget Ella.”
Zachariah opened the door before turning to her one last time.It might not have helped if he had. Those foundational losses have a way of touching everything. Sorrow and joy are linked with loss and contentment. A Will Herondale who forgot any part of his past would not really be Will. That I know. But, Tessa, there are many things I have never doubted about Will, and one is how much he loves you. Here you are in Paris, on your honeymoon. Maybe you can remind him that without his past losses he would not have his present happiness. If anyone can do it, it will be you.
—
Remind him of his present happiness,Tessa thought, straightening her hat. It was a blue day, with a cool wind blowing, and she’d decided there was no point in continuing to lurk about the Meurice. If reminding Will that he would be happier if he rememberedeverything in his life, not just parts of it, was the goal, it would not be accomplished in their hotel rooms.
They had walked down the Rivoli, back to the Place Vendôme and its shops. Tessa glanced at Will, who was looking curiously into the window of a watchmaker. He certainly seemed freed from the melancholy that had plagued him the day before. His eyes were bright as he looked around at everything, as if the world puzzled and pleased him in equal measure.
“Look at this,” he said, pointing at the mechanism of a watch, laid out on display. “Such delicate workmanship.”
Tessa, who still shuddered a bit at the sight of gears, glanced up at him. “Do you remember the London Institute?” she said, deciding she might as well be straightforward. “What about Charlotte and Jessamine?”
“Of course I remember the Institute,” he said. “And Charlotte. I don’t recall a Jessamine, but—” He smiled crookedly. “I do recall something about jam tarts.”
“Yes,” Tessa said eagerly. “Agatha made them.”
Will shook his head. He began to walk again, and Tessa paced beside him. “I don’t remember Agatha. I do remember Bridget,” he added. “Are you sure it wasn’t Bridget?”
