Page 34 of John Wilder Gets Schooled
“Let’s get you to bed, princess,” I said. I nodded to Avery, then carried Gracie carefully inside. By the time I washed the tears off her face and got her a drink of water she was yawning again, so I tucked her into bed with Mr. Peanut Butter. She was asleep before I’d left the room.
When I went back out front, Danny said, “Hey, I was justtelling Avery he should come for dinner tonight. Miller brought over a heap of steaks and shit, so we’re gonna grill.”
“Oh,” I said, glancing at Avery. “Yeah, that would be cool.”
My total lack of enthusiasm must have shown because Danny gave me an odd look.
He patted Avery on the shoulder. “So just come over later. Bring whatever you’re drinking. We have beers too, but they’re shit beers.”
“Okay,” Avery said, his smile dimming a little when his gaze met mine. “I’ll see you then.”
He turned and walked back over to his place.
“That was weird,” Danny said as we inspected the mess I’d made of the stairs yesterday. “You were kind of off.”
I opened my mouth to tell him—Danny and I had no secrets—but shut it again when Miller wandered out onto the porch. He sat down on the sagging old couch and stretched out. You never would have thought a guy like Miller would be at home in a house like ours. He wore suits Monday to Friday, but on weekends he was as barefoot and feral as the rest of us.
“You’ll have to tell me what to do here,” Danny said, dragging my toolbox closer.
“It’s just nailing the new riser in place,” I said. “It’s shit easy.”
“Says the guy with a nail through his hand,” Danny pointed out. That was somewhat justified. More than somewhat justified. “But why are you being weird about Avery?”
“I kissed him yesterday,” I said, my face hot.
Danny dropped a screwdriver—I had no fucking idea why he’d even picked it up in the first place—and it cartwheeled down the steps and into the yard. “YoukissedAvery?”
“I told him he was pretty and I kissed him,” I said. “Probably the Percocet. You’re gonna need the nail gun.”
“What?”
“Nail gun,” I said, nodding at it.
“Shut the fuck up about the nail gun, man.” His eyes were aswide as an owl’s. “You told Avery he was pretty, and then youkissedhim?”
“On Percocet,” I clarified. “So now it’s weird, because I’m straight.”
Danny wrinkled his nose. “I don’t think Percocet does that.”
I nudged the nail gun toward him. “I just mean my defenses were low, is all.”
“Your defenses against what, exactly?” Miller asked, a faint smile playing around his mouth.
Danny nodded. “Straight guys don’t need defenses against kissing other guys, Wilder. They just don’t do it because they don’twantto.”
“I’m not gay,” I said, shaking my head. “Just because I can point out some guys are objectively attractive doesn’t mean that I’m personally attracted to them. It’s called being secure in my own sexuality.”
“That argument made a whole lot more sense before you kissed Avery,” Danny pointed out.
“Come on,” I said. “I’ve known you forever, and you’re gay. Miller’s gay. Chase is gay. Cash is…” I thought for a second. “Cash is whatever Cash is. I’m twenty-two years old and living in a house so queer it should be at the end of a rainbow. How the fuck could I be gay and not know it?”
“Real talk?” Danny asked. He looked at me with his head on a tilt. “I think that you’re bi, except that was never gonna fly in the house you grew up in, so you just kind of didn’t let yourself know it was a possibility. You still got laid, so you weren’t really missing out on anything, right? And I think you never really had to think about it before now, so you just didn’t.”
“But I’m straight,” I repeated on autopilot. “All straight guys are at least a little curious about trying stuff with another guy. Doesn’t mean I’m bi.”
“Maybe that’s true,” Miller said, ignoring the look Danny gave him. “Nobody here is trying to pin you down to an exact point on the Kinsey scale. But people grow and change in all sorts of ways.You said you’re twenty-two like that means something. You’re a baby.” He laughed. “Both of you are still babies. At twenty-two I didn’t know shit about myself.” He shrugged. “If you want to be a straight guy who kisses other guys, go for it. If it turns out you’re bi or gay, go for that too. Go for anything you want. You only get one life.”
“What Miller said,” Danny said, right before he shot me one of his trademark grins. “But for the record, I’m team ‘Wilder didn’t know he was bi until he kissed the hot teacher.’”
