Page 45 of John Wilder Gets Schooled
It had been obvious that Wilder had enjoyed himself, but still, it was nice to hear him say it out loud. Not that I needed reassurance or anything.
“Just so you know, you were pretty amazing too,” I said, because Wilder probablydidneed some positive reinforcement. “I’m glad you came over. And you can drop by whenever you want to do it again.”
He stabbed a piece of his steak and chewed it quietly before saying, “It’s not that I don’t want to come over again, but I’m not sure when I can get away.”
Wilder had a lot on his plate already, and I didn’t want to pressure him. I wanted this to be something just for him, something he could relax and enjoy. I ate while I thought about it, and finally I said, “I’m a night owl. I’m up until midnight most nights.”
Wilder’s brow creased, like he wasn’t sure why I was telling him this.
“I’m saying that if you want to come over once Gracie’s asleep, I’ll be awake.”
He took a moment to turn that over before saying, “But what if I pick the night you’re asleep?”
“Wilder,” I said firmly, “you coming over is worth waking up for.” I waggled my eyebrows meaningfully.
He snorted. “Okay, fine.” He still had that pensive look, though, like the one my five-year-olds got when they wanted something but weren’t sure if they were allowed.
“Just ask, Wilder,” I said gently.
His gaze snapped up to meet mine, and he took a deep breath and said, “How do I know if I’m a top or a bottom?” His face flamed scarlet—and honestly, a muscled, six-foot stripper had no business looking as fucking cute as he did with a blush staining his cheeks. At the same time, I had a pang of sympathy. I didn’t know if he was a top, a bottom—or maybe he was neither. Maybe he was vers or a side. But it was something he’d have to figure out for himself.
I thought again about how kindergarten teachers allegedly didn’t watch porn. “You’ve got internet, right?”
“Yeah,” he said, casting me a curious glance.
“Okay, great. I’m going to send you some links to a couple of websites. I want you to watch some of the videos there. And then I want you to figure out which of the two guys you want to be. That might give you some indication.”
Wilder choked on air.
“Wait, are you giving me gay porn ashomework?” he said incredulously.
“You wanna earn that gold star or not?” I teased.
Wilder laughed, but I knew he’d do as I asked because he trusted me.
“When you’re studying to be a teacher, they throw all this theory at you,” I said. “Like,somuch. If I never hear about Piaget’s theory of cognitive development again, I will die a happy man. Anyway, the point is, you can read all the books and studies in the world, but none of that counts for shit once you’re actually in the classroom, you know? Because most of us learn best bydoing. So what I’m saying is you can get some ideas of what you like from porn, but then if we try it and you don’t like it, or you think you might like something else better, that’s cool. We’re figuring it out, you know? There are no right or wrong answers. Learning is a process, not an outcome.”
A crease appeared between his brows. “I only understood about half of that, but Ithinkyou’re saying I should watch porn and see what revs my engine, right? Like window shopping?”
“Exactly.”
Wilder nodded and pushed a stray tendril of hair away from his face. “Yeah. I can do that. I’ll need to get some earbuds for my phone, though, because I live with a bunch of nosy fuckers.”
“I have a spare set you can use.”
Wilder opened his mouth, probably to argue.
I said, “Take them. I get having limited privacy. One of seven, remember? Plus all the extras.”
“Extras?” Wilder quirked an eyebrow.
“My folks tend to collect spare kids like Pokémon,” I said, smiling. “Maybe someone’s parents have kicked them out, or they’re doing it rough and need a safe space, and the next thing you know there’s a new name on the chore chart and you have four brothers instead of three. They’ve always been like that.”
Wilder’s mouth curved up into a smile. “You know Danny and his grandma took me in, right?”
“Yeah, I might have heard something about that.” I wasn’t sure if I should ask what had happened, but the combination of sex and sleep must have put Wilder in a sharing mood.
He gave me a wry smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Long story short, Cassidy and I fucked around and found out, literally. And our folks decided that we’d get married like the good little Christians we were, because god forbid there be a scandal. Me and Cassidy didn’t want that. Cassidy wanted to go to college. But she couldn’t exactly tell her parents she was choosing to be an unmarried mother without them pitching a fit and maybe throwing her out. So I told my folks that I wasn’t marrying her, and they kicked me out instead. Said I was a disgrace, and I was dead to them.” His mouth twisted like he’d bitten something sour. “No hate like Christian love, right?”
