Page 75 of Not So Happily Ever After (British Bad Boys)
Disbelief spirals through me.He guessed?How could he have guessed? He’s brilliant, but he’s not what I’d call attuned to emotions.
Maybe you’re the one who’s not plugged in, huh?
“You—” I don’t even know what I’m trying to ask. “You’re not shocked?”
His smile is sad and hurts my heart so much my eyes sting. “The last year or so, it was as though your light dimmed whenever the holidays ended. I didn’t know for sure what the problem was. Your mum was the one who could talk about things like that. I don’t know where to start with it.”
“I’m sorry.” The words come from a place so deep inside, it’s like I’ve sacrificed the bloodied remnants of my hypothetical soul.
“No, sweetheart.” His voice is firm. “You’ve nothing to be sorry for. I only wish I’d said something to you before.” He heaves a sigh. “Talking about things that really matter isn’t my forte, I’m sorry to say.”
“But I’d feel so bad about, you know, dropping out.” Even saying those words make me nauseated. I’ve never dropped out of anything. It’s alien.Scary.
“Nonsense.” He peers at me over the top of his glasses. “If this is what you have to do, then you must do it, Mackenzie. You can’t waste another term doing something that doesn’t excite your spirit.”
I’m strangely lightheaded, as if my blood pressure has suddenly dropped, and I sag against the side of the chair.This is how relief feels.The hard knot in my chest eases, and I exhale a long breath. “I thought you’d be so upset.”
A slow frown creases his forehead. “Why would I be upset?”
I’m not sure what he means. “Because I was always expected to go into medicine. Like Mum.”
“God,” he mutters, and shock reels through me. Dad never swears, and althoughGodisn’t what I’d call a curse, coming from him, it’s as profane as the f-word. “I tried so hard not to screw it up after your mum passed. I didn’t do a good job there, did I.”
Is he asking me a question? I’ve no idea what he’s talking about. “Dad?”
He lets out a defeated sigh. “I blame myself. But I’m so proud of all three of you. Your choice of careers has never concerned me as much as your happiness does. I just”—he hesitates for a second—“I don’t know how toshowit, that’s all.”
He’s talking about my brothers, as well as me. I mean, sure, I know Mum and Dad expected Harry to go on to University and were kind of bemused when he didn’t. And they never quite got Lucas’s obsession with his football.
But that’s different, isn’t it?
Is it, really?
I give his hand a little shake. “Hey, it’s not all you. I could’ve said something. But I just got caught up in it all and thought…” Am I really going to tell him this?In for a penny…“I thought I had to be the one to go to Uni.”
I regret my confession as soon as Dad winces. I shouldn’t have told him that. He looks so hurt.
It had to be said.No more hiding behind silent, death-bed promises and trying to be something I’m not.
Don’t be afraid to go after your dreams.
“This is something I should’ve asked you a long time ago.” He gazes at me, and a funny little shiver races over my arms as though I know what he’s going to say. “What doyouwant to do with your life, Mackenzie?”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Will
It’s been a long bloody week. And it’s only Monday afternoon.
I lean back in the chair, but the knots in my shoulders are from more than being hunched over a desk all day.
Mac will be settled back in Oxford by now.
Unbidden, my glance falls to my phone. I haven’t deleted her number. Don’t know why. It’s not as though I’ll ever use it again.
Jesus, this fucking sucks. It was shitty two years ago, when she told me on New Year’s Eve our hookup had been the biggest mistake of her life. After I’d searched for her at that party to find out if she was okay. She hadn’t returned any of my calls or texts that week.
But yeah. She was fine. Blew me off, flirted with every guy at the party, and our friendship was trashed.
