Page 80 of Special Delivery
James’s charcoal eyes were still. The mischievous sparkle had gone and his knuckles tightened on his beer. ‘And what do you want?’ he asked quietly.
Poppy felt herself wilt under his gaze. He already knew what she wanted. Friendship. But that thing in the stables … she could see why he was confused. It didn’t help that his knee was resting against hers and she hadn’t pulled away.
‘What doyouwant?’ she asked. If she could just work out what was going on in his brain she could reverse-engineer her position.
‘I asked you first,’ he countered.
Poppy stirred the ice in her drink with her straw, her weariness surging like a king tide. If a troupe of shirtless men suddenly appeared with one of those portable Princess Jasmine–style beds, she would happily climb aboard for a nap. ‘I don’t know,’ she sighed. ‘That’s the problem. The only thing I’m clear on at the moment is wanting to be a good mum. I mean, as a general concept, the idea of meeting a lovely guy who makes me laugh and drives me wild in the bedroom is amazing—but it’s not a priority, especially not now. And besides, does that guy even exist?’
Her subconscious piped up:Um, across the table?She ignored it. This wasn’t a conversation about James; it was bigger than that.
‘And if this guy does exist, do I want him to be around my daughter? Is that drive-me-wild guy also father material, and if he isn’t, is that okay? Does he have to be both? Do I have to decide for Maeve and me, or do I have to make the decision for myself and make Maeve go along with it? Or do I swear off all men to protect Maeve—or would that be worse, because then she has no chance of finding a father figure?’ Poppy laughed slightly hysterically. ‘Far out, I’m driving myself insane!’
James sipped his beer thoughtfully. ‘I think it’s only sensible that you have to think about Maeve. It would be weird if you didn’t.’ He set his beer down, studying her. ‘Although, are we still speaking in hypotheticals?’
‘We are,’ said Poppy firmly. She was definitely not imagining him in bed next to her, his arm draped over her like a security blanket, flicking on the bedside light to help her find her way to the cot. He was only interested in getting hot andheavy when small babies were conveniently absent. She was aware of that. She was in control.
James’s mouth curved into a smile. ‘So hypothetically speaking, what would a guy have to do to drive you wild in the bedroom?’
Poppy’s laugh was instant. ‘You’re not helping.’
‘Sorry.’ He laughed too and picked up his beer again. ‘I get that you don’t want any distractions to mess with your current set-up when it seems to be working so well.’
Poppy smiled at him gratefully. This was why he was so easy to talk to. He made her laughandhe listened.
James continued, ‘But I don’t think you should close yourself off from the world because of Maeve.’ His eyes held hers for an extended beat, then he shrugged matter-of-factly and took a sip of his beer.
Poppy stared at him. Was he talking about closing herself off from the world or … from him? Were they still talking in hypotheticals? His gaze returned to her, his expression all sincerity and warmth, and despite herself Poppy felt her heart skip a beat.
‘How are the uni applications going?’ she asked, desperate for something platonic to discuss.
James gave her a knowing smile. He knew exactly what she was doing.
‘What’s the plan?’ she pressed. Yes, she was changing the subject—but also, she was genuinely interested. She wanted to learn everything about him.
‘I had the entrance exams a couple of weeks ago,’ he said eventually. ‘Our preferences are supposed to be decided thisweekend. Actually, I might even have an email by now.’ He picked up his phone and started scrolling. After a few seconds, he stopped. ‘No way,’ he breathed.
‘What?’ asked Poppy.
‘I got it!’
‘Got what?’
‘Melbourne.’
‘Melbourne,Victoria?’ Poppy’s head spun off her shoulders and fell to the floor. At least that is what it felt like. ‘You’re moving to Melbourne?!’
‘Wow!’ James grinned. ‘I guess I am. I’ll start next year. I’ll have to find somewhere to live. Wow, this is insane. I can’t believe I got in—this is massive.’
Poppy’s mind was whirring like a centrifuge now, with everything pushed to the edges apart from one central piece of information.He’s moving to Melbourne. It was like she’d been at the good part of a dream and woken up just before she got the ice cream or the puppy or the mind-blowing orgasm. She was completely disorientated. The logical part of her brain tried to tell her to congratulate him. The selfish part of her brain was screaming expletives.
‘You okay?’ asked James. His X-ray eyes were back on her.
‘Yes, of course,’ said Poppy, forcing a smile. ‘Congratulations. I just …’ She dropped her eyes. ‘I didn’t realise Melbourne was one of your preferences.’
James was looking at his phone again, re-reading the email. ‘It was a wild card choice, but I figured there’s nothing really keeping me here, and—’
Poppy felt her stomach drop as James prattled on.Nothing. She wasnothing. She furiously willed her tear ducts to keep themselves closed. She had no claim over this guy, he was free to move where he wanted and she shouldn’t care—so why did her insides feel like they were being twisted inside-out? She stood up, realising she needed fresh air in her lungs. ‘I think I should go,’ she said.
