Page 92 of Sweet Addiction
“Oh yeah,” she moans around another fry. “It’s a fighter thing. It’s like they have those big muscles and love to show them off.” She sighs a dreamy sound and lays her head back against the headrest as she stares at me. “I love that for us.”
I can’t help my smile. “Yeah... me too,” I admit as we pull into Mom and Dad’s driveway.
“You ready for this?” she asks, like she knows something I don’t, and suddenly, I’m not sure I am.
“Should we be worried Lilah’s going to put herself into a sugar coma?” I ask Mom an hour later. My sister has always liked sweets, but at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if she just took a spoon to the chocolate ganache, which thankfully, my mother didn’t make. She picked it up from Amelia.
“Let her embrace it,” Mom tells me as she sits down beside me. “I’m pretty sure it’s the first time in your sister’s life she’s ever let herself indulge.” I bristle at her words, only I think this time Mom notices. “Sweetheart, not all of us are blessed with your metabolism.”
“Blessed.” I laugh softly. “Never really looked at it that way before.”
“Why not? Lord, Dillan, you’re beautiful.” She runs her fingers through my hair and smiles at me. “You look so much like your father, it hurts. You’re one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen.”
“Mom.” I shrug her off, uncomfortable with the attention.
“What?” She looks at me like I’m crazy. “It’s true.” She wipes a tear I hadn’t realized had fallen from my cheek. “Dillan...”
Lilah walks back into the kitchen and looks at me in horror. “Mom... what did you say?”
“I—” Mom starts and stops, looking at me. “I’m not sure.”
“Nothing,” I tell them both. “Mom didn’t say anything. It’s me.”
“Dillan, what’s wrong?” Lilah waddles her way into the chair next to mine and takes my hand in hers, which only makes thestupid tears sting the backs of my lids as I try to force them to stay put but lose the battle.
Can I do this?
I look from my mother to my sister, choking on my insecurities and decide to just fuck it. They’re my family. They have to love me.Right?
“Tink, do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” I ask, my voice cracking. “How proud I am of you and every single thing you’ve accomplished? The way you’ve handled yourself in this insane fishbowl you live in? You always made it look so easy, like you were checking things off a list. Beauty. Brains. Talent. Confidence. The love of a million fans. The accolades and awards. You have it all...” I swallow down the emotions threatening to drown me. “Even the perfect husband.”
Now that I’ve started, I don’t think I can stop. It’s like I’m speeding downhill and the brakes aren’t working, and everything comes rushing to the surface.
Years of trauma.
“It’s a lot to live up to.”
“Dillan,” Mom whispers, horrified, as Lilah looks at me in confusion. “You never needed to live up to anything or anyone.”
“In theory, maybe not. But honestly, Mom, how could I not feel like I did? You and Dad never made me feel that way?—”
Lilah sucks in a breath. “But I did?”
“Never,” I answer her truthfully. “This was ameproblem. I saw you and Noah living your dream, and Mom, you and Dad aren’t exactly slackers. My God. Even Asher has known what he wants to do for-freaking-ever. And then there was me. I had no idea what I wanted to do. What I would ever be good at. Everyone always compared me to Lilah, and they always found me lacking.”
“Who found you lacking?” Lilah asks as she wipes her own tears. “You’re perfect exactly how you are.”
“The world did, Tink. Trolls on social media. Classmates. Boys. They were cruel, and I let them get to me. I gave them permission. The therapist I saw in high school helped me work through that. Taught me to compartmentalize it. But it always messed with me when I let my guard down,” I admit, hesitantly. “And it’s not the easiest thing in the world to keep your guard up for as long as I have.”
“Oh, sweetheart, why didn’t you ever say anything?” Mom asks, brushing my hair back over my shoulders, her eyes welling with matching tears.
“I tried to once. But...” I struggle to find the right words. “You all thought I was flaking out again, so I stopped.”
“What?” Mom asks through her tears.
Guess we’re all a mess.
“I lied to you,” I tell the two of them. “I said I didn’t like working for Lilah because the hours were rough and we were better off not working together.”
