Page 164 of Dance of Defiance
Literally.
Fuck knows I’ve tried.
I’ve spent three weeks trying to go back to being “good ol’ party boy Val”. Except somehow, even after I told him we were fucking done, that I wasthroughplaying his rent-a-gay, hot-and-cold bullshit games, Roman persists in fucking my shit up, even when he’s not there.
I’ve tried to “fuck Roman out of my system” over a dozen times in the last three weeks with various go-to fuck buddies and a handful of strangers. But I can’t even bring myself tokissanyone, let alone fuck them. It’s as if the proximity of anyone else makes me violently queasy, to the point where I literally haven’t eventouchedanyone since him.
Three weeks of sexual abstinence.Me!
Where do I apply to be a fucking monk?
There’s no desire—not with strangers, not with fuck buddies. No thrill.Nothing.
Christ, I can’t even get hard unless I’m thinking about Roman. So rather thanfuckingthe motherfucker out of my system, I’ve been jerking off like an asshole to achieve the same thing. Except I’m thinking ofhimwhile I'm doing it, which completely defeats the purpose.
Needless to say, I’m losing it. Which is the only reason I called up vampiric, soul-suckingAshleyto come out tonight. It’s a Hail Mary—well, whatever the evil, antichrist version of a Hail Mary is.
And it’s obviously not working.
Brooklyn frowns as she looks at me. “Please tell me you’re not fucking her again.”
I’m half tempted to lie, just to see her reaction. Instead, I just roll my eyes and shake my head.
“Second request,” she sighs. “Please tell me you’re notgoingto fuck her tonight.”
“You seem awfully interested in my personal life, friend.”
She glares at me. “Under normal circumstances? No. Far from it. But withthatbitch?” Brooklyn makes a face. “Val, she’s the worst. And don’t think I’m not curious what you’re trying to escape, bringing her out tonight.”
I frown. “Meaning?”
Brooklyn eyes me. “Meaning you only choose Ashley from your stable of boys and girls when you need a clean slate after some relationship doesn’t pan out.”
“Noneof my relationships works out.”
“Which is why I know Ashley so well,” she says, fluttering her eyelashes and giving me a saccharine smile.
I smirk. “Is there a point to this?”
“Yeah.” Brooklyn pokes my arm sharply. “Who'd you break up with? For that matter, who were you even dating?”
“No one,” I grunt.
“Bullshit. Because Ashley.”
I sigh. “Just… Forget it. How’s Big Dick Energy?”
Brooklyn rolls her eyes. “Nice segue, asshole. Kir is great.”
“Still slinging you that good dick, huh?”
Her face turns bright red. “You realize I know you well enough to know you’re trying to shake me off, and it’s not going to work.” She purses her lips and glares at me. “Whoare you trying to forget?”
“No one,” I shrug.
“Val—”
“Leave it,” I snap. Then my face softens. “Pleaseleave it.”
