Page 75 of Dance of Defiance
I barely remember downloading Grindr, the gay hookup app. I vaguely remember telling myself it was a mistake. That this wasn’t me.
That I wasn’t gay.
But suddenly there I was sitting on the edge of the pool, wasted, alone, and uploading a photo of my bare torso to my profile.
I got a reply inseconds.
“Hey baby, need someone to throat your fat dick tonight?”
As far as I know, that’s the only time I’ve had a panic attack. A full-blownmeltdown.
It was too real. Like the war between the me I told myself I was and the me I was always burying came to a violent confrontation.
Then I blacked out, or…something.
And at some point, I became aware of someone screaming my name and dragging me out of the shallow end of the pool.
Brooklyn.
Brooklyn, who for some unknown reason was still at the house.
Brooklyn, who definitely saw the open Grindr app on my phone.
Brooklyn, who had vomit on her shirt and dropped a bottle of my dad’s prescription oxycodone when she dragged me out of the pool.
Neither of us pushed the other for answers. But there was something unspoken that night: we’d both chosen to live another day.
And I will forever—platonically—love her for that.
Me
Maybe. I might be bad company tonight tho.
Brooklyn
All the more reason! C’mon, buddy, I miss your face.
Me
lol. OK, maybe. I’ll let u know if I’m headed that way.
Brooklyn
Yay!
“There you are.”
I blink, turning and feeling my brows arch when I see my sister. She grins, blushing a little as she looks down at her outfit. “Too over the top?”
From a normal human perspective? No.
From an overprotective big brother perspective? Fuck yes.
My brows knit. “You going out?”
She nods. “Yeah, I’m going to go join the girls. It’s not too much?”
“It’s definitely too much.”
