Page 66 of The Silent Night Stalker
Constantine’s eyes sparkle with excitement, which brings a smile to my face. I did that. I helped give him some happiness in his life.It stroked the ego, for sure, but at the end of the day, that’s all that matters. He’s feeling good, and his anxiety lessens each day.
I walk to the back door and open it to find our next-door neighbor, Iris, a widow in her seventies. She’s sweet as hell, and once in a while, she brings us cookies she’s made. Her son is gay and married, so she befriended us instantly after we moved in.
“I hope he likes it,” she says, winking at me.
“I think he will. Thanks so much for helping me keep it a secret. I owe you.”
“Psh, you’re fine. Just come over for coffee one day and bring that handsome young man with you.”
“I will. Thanks again, Iris.”
With the bundle tucked in my arm, I head back over to Constantine, who’s sitting and waiting expectantly. As soon as he sees what’s in my arms, he brings his hands to his mouth and his eyes water. Then he thrusts his arms out and wiggles his fingers in a ‘gimme’ movement.
I chuckle and set the dachshund down. Constantine pats his thighs, and the little dog rushes right over to him.
“This is Winnie,” I tell him. “She needs a good home.”
I heard pets are good for anxiety and panic attacks. I can’t get him therapy, but this is the next best thing. We’ll never have children, so Winnie will have to do.
Winnie is incredibly sweet. She was the sweetest one at the pound, and I knew she would be good for Constantine.
She pumps her little legs and wags her little tail as she jumps onto his crossed legs. He lifts her into his arms, and she bathes his face in licks, making him laugh.
“Winnie is so beautiful, Enny,” he says wetly before looking at me. “I never dreamed of having a pet. I never dared. Thank you for this.”
I run my fingers through his hair and wipe a stray tear. “You’re welcome, baby.”
ChristmasDayischillyoutside, but it’s nothing compared to Chicago. There’s a strong breeze coming off the Pacific Ocean, but I’m comfortable in a pullover sweater.
When we first arrived here in Eureka, Constantine was like a kid in a candy store. He’d never been to the beach. He never really spent any time on Lake Michigan either. And I’ve never been to either coast, although Enrique and I would spend a few days on the lake each summer.
Constantine tried to swim, but he’d been a little afraid of the water and waves, not that I’m a great swimmer myself. But watching him in a new environment, enjoying new things, brought excitement to my life. He made me experience things I wouldn’t otherwise. I’ve started looking at life as more precious and with wonder, that not everything has to be about guns, crime, and death.
Constantine and I walk hand in hand, barefoot on the sandy beach, as we walk Winnie, who keeps pulling on her leash to jump into the waves and barking at the seagulls.
“She thinks she’s so tough,” he says, laughing.
“It’s got to be that Napoleonic complex, being small and all. Once we have her fully trained, we’ll let her off her leash to run around.”
Winnie stops and starts digging a hole, getting sand all in her fur. Constantine holds my hand tighter as he watches her. “Thank you for this. For her. For this… life,” he says, his voice tremulous, pulling out emotions from me. He’s done that to me a lot over the past year, forcing me to face my vulnerabilities, things I’ve kept locked away because of fucking life. Despite his past being even harder than mine had been, he’s incredibly expressive and honest. I’ve learned a lot from Constantine.
“I’m glad you’re in it with me, baby,” I say and kiss the top of his head. “How do you feel? How did Christmas Eve feel?” I hadn’t planned on asking, but when he’s vulnerable like this, I know he’ll be more open with me.
He sighs, staring out at the water. Dark clouds form on the horizon of the ocean. He doesn’t say anything for so long; I don’t think he’ll answer.
“It started out being really hard. Like a few days before, I could feel that panic because I hadn’t found anyone. But all I had to do was remember that I have you to come home to. That you’ll be there to make me happy and feel good. Still, the anxiety was there until today, but it wasn’t as heavy as it’d been before. Despite feeling like I was being choked every once in a while, I could get past it.”
“I’m glad it wasn’t as bad.”
That’s a start. I wonder if or when he’ll ever see the connection between killing those people and the ease of his anxiety, that he kills because of his pain, not theirs. It’s a wild and dangerous coping mechanism. I don’t want him to kill ever again. I have no idea if serial killers can even stop killing, or if such a thing is possible. I’ll just have to keep my eye on him each year.
“Let’s go home, baby. We’ll make some dinner, then I have plans to do some seriously naughty things to you.”
“Can you come on my face again?”
I chuckle. “Yeah, anything you want, Little Bird. Anything.”
Chapter 25
