Page 105 of Watch Me Burn
“Both versions of him.” Tears well up and spill over. “I’m in love with the intense, patient man who remembers every animal’s name here. And I’m in love with the primal, dominant force who knows my body better than I know it myself now.” I look up at her, and desperation claws its way up my throat. “What does that say about me? That I can love someone who deceived me so completely?”
“It says you’re human.” Maren reaches across the space between us and grabs my hand, her grip tight. “It means your heart knows something your head hasn’t caught up to yet.” Her fingers squeeze harder. “But let me be crystal fucking clear about something, Luna Marie.”
Oh, shit. My middle name again.
“If you want me to end him, I will. I don’t give a shit that he’s the hottest thing to walk this planet since they invented fire. You’re my best friend. You’re my sister. Say the word, and I’ll castrate him with the dullest knife I can find and make him choke on his balls.”
A laugh bursts out before I can stop it. Small and broken, but real. “Violence isn’t the answer, Mar.”
Her grin turns feral. “Maybe not, but it’d feel damn good.” The smile fades, and her expression softens again. “So what now? Have you talked to him since you figured it out? What actually happened when you realized”
My stomach twists at the memory.
“When I recognized his kiss, I pulled away from him and said his name. He had the fucking audacity to growl at me, accusing me of calling out another man’s name while he was inside me. When I just stared at him, when he saw the truthall over my face, he pulled out of me and walked out the back door. Completely naked.”
“Wait a goddamn minute.” Maren half-laughs, half-chokes. “You were fucking, and he just got up and walked out of the bedroom?”
“No. We were in the kitchen. I was on the table.”
Maren’s gaze shoots to the doorway and to the kitchen table visible beyond it. Her face cycles through at least five different expressions. “How often do you two have sex on that table?”
“Uh... A lot.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Her eyes snap back to mine. “I am never eating at that table again. Ever.” Then her expression shifts, eyebrows shooting up. “Hold on, it was snowing last night. He really walked out? Naked? Into the snow?”
“As the day he was born. He left all his clothes behind.”
Maren doubles over, arms wrapping around her stomach as laughter pours out of her. It comes in waves, each one louder than the last, shaking her whole body. I cross my arms and scowl at her. It’s not that funny.
“You know what?” She forces herself upright, still gasping with laughter. “I’m really torn right now because I hate him. I hate him with every fiber of my being for what he’s done to you. But I also kinda fucking love him too, because walking out naked into a snowstorm because you got caught in your own web of lies? That’s some melodramatic bullshit right there.”
“What do I do, Mar?”
She wipes beneath her eyes and studies me. Then her expression shifts, the humor draining from her features.
“Holy shit. That’s how he got past your security. He installed the whole system himself. That takes serious balls.”
“You’re spending an awful lot of time bringing his balls into this conversation.”
“That’s because he’s got some huge cojones, Lu. You’re the woman who’d know. And it’s brilliant, if you think about it. Completely fucked up, but brilliant.”
“Whose side are you on?”
“Yours. Always fucking yours. And the next time I see him, he’ll be lucky if I don’t kick him in those apparently impressive balls of his. But you’ve got to give credit where it’s due, Lu. The man went to great lengths to be with you.”
I shove both hands through my hair and pull at the roots. “He waited for darkness. Every single time. Gave me the day to myself, like he was keeping his two lives in separate boxes. Until recently, when he started showing up as Damien.”
“Getting greedy. Or maybe he just wanted to be with you outside the bedroom.” Her gaze darts to the doorway, and her nose wrinkles. “Or kitchen.”
“I don’t know if he’ll come back after last night.” The thought has haunted me all morning. “I don’t even know if I want him to. Or what I’ll say if he does. I don’t know if I want to scream at him or let him fuck my brains out.”
“You can do both.” Maren’s wicked grin returns. “In fact, I highly recommend it. Angry sex is hot as fuck.”
“Maren!” But I’m almost smiling now, which I suspect was her intent.
“What?” She shrugs. “I’m just saying, you’ve got options here. And as much as it pains me to say this, because I really do want to castrate him with garden shears, I think you need answers more than anything else right now.”
“What if his explanations are worse? What if there’s no coming back from this?”
