Page 108 of Watch Me Burn
“I blame my fucking parents for this. If I could kill them again, I would.”
“Your parents were evil and got what they deserved.” That’s a first. He’s always kept his opinion of what I did to himself. “But you’re a forty-six-year-old man, and it’s time you stopped blaming them for all your shitty choices. There’s a point when you have to take responsibility for your own actions.”
“You think I don’t know this is all a hell of my own making?”
“Then man the fuck up.”
I exhale, and months of buried secrets leave with the breath. “Luna’s the only woman I’ve ever shown my real self to. Right from the start, I knew she could handle my darkness, even with all her light. Maybe because of it.”
“So, you created two different versions of yourself?”
“I gave her what she needed. Her dark side wanted the wolf. But the rest of her wants someone normal.”
“And what did you want? I’m serious, Damien. What did you want from her? Really?”
“At first? Just sex. To own her. Ruin her for anyone else but me. But the second she surrendered, I wanted every fucking part of her.”
“That’s not love, kid. That’s control.”
I surge to my feet. “Don’t fucking lecture me about love. I’ve killed fifteen hundred fifty-seven people, Cade. Fifteen hundred fifty-seven pieces of human garbage who tortured innocent animals for fun. Their blood’s on my hands, theirscreams are in my head, and I loved every fucking second of it. Someone who loves that kind of violence and carnage doesn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of it. Especially from someone like her.”
“For what it’s worth, I believe she does… love you.”
“Why?”
My voice cracks like I’m sixteen again instead of pushing fifty.
“Because you’re not in fucking prison. She saw something worth protecting in you, or she would’ve turned you in.” Cade settles back, his expression thoughtful. “So, what are you going to do?”
I lean forward, forearms braced on my knees, studying the grain of the floorboards. “I could go back tonight. Wear the mask, pretend she never said my name. Keep things the way they were.”
“Did you miss the part where we just established she’s not an idiot?”
“I know that.”
I’ve been carrying this secret like a weight, part of me hoping she’d see through the deception while another part dreaded this exact moment. But I wanted control over the reveal. Instead, she connected the dots because I couldn’t keep my goddamn mouth off her.
“I guess you could try.” His tone makes clear what he thinks of my odds. “How’d that work out for you last night when you nearly lost your nuts in the snow?”
The memory makes me flinch. “That wasn’t my finest moment.”
Her voice echoes in my head. The shock when she said my name, her eyes searching mine for confirmation. She spoke with such certainty, but instead of answering, I grabbed her hair and snarled at her like the wolf she called me. Then I ran into the night like a coward.
“I had to get out of there.” I drag a hand down my face. “One more second and I was going to fucking lose it and vomit out the truth.”
“I think your truth might be more than anyone should have to handle. But if anyone can, it’s probably her.”
“That’s not fucking helping me, Cade. I don’t know if I’m capable of being what she needs. What if all I know how to do is take and claim and destroy?”
“Then you figure out how to learn something else.” He stands and crosses to the door, pausing at the threshold. “You’ve spent forty-six years convinced you’re damaged beyond repair, but that woman proved you wrong. She chose you, Damien. Both versions of you, without even knowing it.”
Athena whines and pushes her wet nose into my palm. Her love is simple and uncomplicated. She doesn’t judge the killer in me. Doesn’t care that I’m warped and broken. She only remembers I pulled her out of hell, and that’s enough for her.
“Once she knows everything, once she sees that there’s no separation between the man and the monster, she’ll run.”
“She might.” His voice holds no false comfort. “Or she might not. But that’s her choice to make.”
Chapter twenty-seven
