Page 75 of Watch Me Burn
“But the wolf mask?” Maren’s eyebrows shoot up. “Doesn’t that seem like too much of a coincidence?”
“Maren, I’m known across three states as the wolf whisperer.”
“Okay, fair point. Whoever he is could have picked the mask because of your reputation. But what about taste? Do they taste the same? And I’m talking about kissing here, not—”
She makes a crude gesture that needs no explanation.
My shoulders drop. “I don’t know. I’ve kissed Damien, but my wolf doesn’t kiss me. Not on the mouth. I don’t know what his lips taste like. Or how they feel on mine.”
“Oh, Lu.”
The familiar ache of disappointment returns. I sigh and let my head fall forward, knowing I’ve kept so much from Maren, and it just adds one more layer of confusion and guilt to what I’m already feeling. Her hand glides through my hair and comes around to rest on the back of my neck.
“Hey, no judgment, but I don’t understand what’s going on with you and how you got here.”
I sit back and let all the rest pour out of me. She stops asking questions and just listens in the way only Maren can when she lets the sarcastic armor she always wears fall.
It takes almost an hour to empty myself of everything I’ve been holding in. But when the last word leaves my mouth, the relief crashes over me like a wave. The weight that’s been crushing my chest for months—it lifts. I can breathe again. She stares at me with the same dazed expression I’ve been wearing since the doctor’s office.
“So, let me get this right. You’ve been having nonstop sex for months with a guy who wears a wolf mask, ties you up, fucks you like an animal, chokes you, won’t kiss you, but tells you he’s never letting you go? Did I get that right?”
“That about sums it up. I know how crazy this all is, Mar. All the reasons it’s insane. Trust me, there is nothing you can say that I haven’t said to myself already a hundred times.”
“Obviously, it failed, but you do use protection, right? Please tell me you use protection with someone whose identity you don’t know.”
I cringe. She’s going to kick my ass.
“I’ve been on the pill for years, but other than that, he refuses to wear a condom. Says he wants to feel all of me. And I let him, Maren. I let him come inside me every single night.”
“Are you out of your goddamn mind?”
She looks like she wants to shake me until my teeth rattle.
“I know.” That’s all I have. Two words on repeat. I’m just as pissed at my recklessness as she is.
“Does this guy hurt you?”
“Not in the way you mean. He’s rough, but he’s never actually hurt me. It’s more like…” I struggle to find the right words. “Like he worships me through the brutality. If that makes any sense.”
She doesn’t answer, just raises an expectant eyebrow that tells me to continue.
“Lately, he’s been different. He still won’t kiss me, but he lets me feel the barest hint of his weight, and his touches have become more reverent. Like I’m something he’s afraid of losing.”
“Do you guys actually talk, or is it just sex?”
“At first, it was just sex. Pure, primal fucking for hours with barely any words exchanged. Just grunts and groans and orgasms until I was literally overflowing with his come.” My skin flushes at the memory. “He’d tell me I was his, that I’d never have another man inside me but him. How good I felt wrapped around him, how sweet I tasted, and how he couldn’t get enough of me.”
“Fuck! Why can’t I have a man say shit like that to me? JT and I need to talk.” She’s trying to pull us out of the heaviness, so I laugh, but it sounds as forced as it feels. “And now?”
Even though I’m laying myself bare for her, I still can’t tell her everything. I can’t expose him like that. And I can’t put that burden on Maren.
“We joke around a little now. Tease each other.” I pause, struggling with how much I can reveal. “But honestly, it’s still mostly sex. We can’t keep our hands off each other. Well, he can’t keep his hands off me.”
“And you’re in love with him.”
My head slumps forward again. “Yes. Which is so fucked up I can’t even process it.” Tears well up in my eyes. “How do you love someone whose face you’ve never seen? A man who won't even kiss you?”
“What about Damien?”
