Page 76 of Watch Me Burn
“That’s the worst part. I think I have genuine feelings for Damien, too.” I wipe my fingertips under my eyes. “I started seeing him because he reminded me of my wolf in some ways. The intensity, the way he looks at me like he wants to devour me.”
“So you really don’t think they’re the same person?”
“I don’t know anymore, Mar. I don’t trust my own judgment at all. How can I?”
“Have you thought about just confronting him?”
“And say what? Are you Damien?”
“Yeah.”
“He’s incredibly jealous of Damien. Loses it when I go out with him. There’s no way…” Her eyes blaze with anger. “Don’t look at me like that. I told you he doesn’t hurt me. He gets rougher, but we both like it rough.”
She doesn’t look convinced, but she nods. “How the fuck did I miss this? I knew something was up with you. But I wanted to give you space. Let you come to me when you were ready. That’s what we do. But I’m the one who catches everything.” She runs a hand through her hair, tugging at the ends. “I’m fucking losing my touch.”
I grab her hand, interlacing our fingers together and squeezing. “I twisted myself in knots to keep you from finding out.”
“Wait.” Her eyes go wide. “That night I came into your bedroom—when I thought I heard voices. Was he here?”
I nod. “Behind the door.”
“Son of a bitch. What kind of freaking best friend am I? And why didn’t Shadow blow his cover?”
“Shadow trusted him from the start. It’s why I trusted him.”
“I thought I saw your panties on the floor that night. And I swore I heard you moaning after I went back to bed.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because what you do with your vagina is none of my damn business, Lu. Every woman’s got a right to take care of herself without her best friend demanding a play-by-play. Though you know I’m always down for that.”
I snort and rest my head on her shoulder. “I’m sorry I lied and kept it from you. I wanted to tell you so many times.”
She leans her head against the top of mine. “So where does that leave you now?”
“On the train to crazy town.” I try to laugh, but the sound comes out hollow and wrong.
“I think you’ve been on it for a while.”
“I don’t know what to do, Mar. I’m torn between two men who couldn’t be more different, except for the way they make me feel. And now…” My hand drifts to my stomach. “There’s this.”
“Does he know? About the miscarriage?”
“Not yet. I have no way of getting in touch with him. I just have to wait for him to show up. He’ll come tonight expecting to fuck me, and I won’t be able to.”
“Will he take no for an answer?”
“He never has before. That’s part of what I love about him. The way he just takes what he wants. Makes me take it.”
“What about Damien? Are you going to tell him?”
I feel the weight of all these secrets crushing down on me. “I don’t know.”
“If you’re not that serious and you aren’t fucking him at the same time, you don’t owe it to Damien to tell him.”
“If I want something real with him, I need to be honest. I can’t build a relationship on lies. But how do I tell him I’ve been having sex with a masked stranger every night while dating him?” I curl up smaller, pulling my knees to my chest. “I need to end things with my wolf if I want to be with Damien. But I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if my heart will let me.”
I don't know if my wolf will let me either. I'm terrified he'll hurt Damien, but I keep that to myself.
