Page 93 of Watch Me Burn
“Should I be worried that you’re stalking me? I’ve had one in my life, Mar. I’m done with it.”
The bite in my voice echoes off the tile, and I hate the defensive sound of it.
“Luna.” Just my name. Nothing else. The razor scrapes over my knee. “You’re going to fuck him again.”
It’s not a question but an accusation wrapped in resignation. I swap the razor to my other hand and lift my arm, baring my armpit. The silence stretches between us, thick with all the words neither of us wants to say.
The toilet creaks as she shifts her weight. “He could hurt you again.”
My hand stills. “He didn’t hurt me. My body—”
“I’m not talking about the miscarriage.” Her voice softens, losing its sharp edge. “I’m talking about your heart, Lu. This creeper won’t even tell you who he is. How can you trust him with your body when he won’t trust you with his face?”
The water beats against my back, and I close my eyes. She’s right, and I have no defense except the truth.
“I love him.”
“Fuck.” The word comes out on a long breath, and her mug bangs against the counter. “I know. That’s what scares me.”
I turn off the water and grab my towel, drying myself with the soft cotton. Maren’s elbows rest on her knees, her face buried in her hands. When she looks up, genuine worry etches lines around her eyes.
“I know what I’m doing, Mar.”
“Do you?” She stands, crossing her arms. “You’re about to climb back into bed with a guy who got you pregnant and still won’t tell you his name.”
I step out of the shower, clutching the towel tighter. “That’s not fair.”
“What he’s doing to you isn’t fair.”
I push past her into the bedroom. She follows, her footsteps soft on the hardwood, dropping into the chair in the corner and propping her feet on the ottoman. Juniper abandons her perch on the windowsill, leaping down with a graceful arc despite her chubby body. She lands on Maren’s lap and circles once before settling, purring loud enough to hear across the room.
I sink onto the edge of the bed. Shadow lifts his massive head from his bed, and his eyes lock on mine. He rises and lopes over, and I wrap my arms around his neck. He always knows when I need him. His fur is warm and solid, and I press my face against him, breathing in his familiar scent. Earth and woods and loyalty that never wavers.
“I have no choice.” The words come out muffled against his fur. “I love him, Mar. I can’t just turn that off.”
“You do have a choice. You always have a choice.”
I pull back, looking at her over Shadow’s head. She’s scratching behind Juniper’s ears, and the cat’s eyes are half-closed in contentment.
“I’ll be careful. More careful than before.”
“How? By asking him pretty please to tell you his name before you spread your legs?”
“Jesus, Maren.”
“No, fuck that.” She stops petting Juniper, and the cat chirps in protest. “You want me to sugar-coat this? Fine. Luna, my darling best friend, please considerthe emotional ramifications of resuming sexual relations with your anonymous stalker.”
I almost laugh, though the situation is far from amusing. “You’re such an ass.”
“And you’re deflecting.” But her lips twitch, fighting a smile. “I’m serious, Lu. I’m worried about you. Not just about you getting knocked up again, though that’s high on my list of concerns, based on how often you let the man defile you without a fucking condom. I’m worried about what happens when this all blows up. Because it will. It has to.”
Deep down, in the part of myself I keep locked away, I know she's right and this can’t last. Eventually, the truth will crack open like an egg, and everything inside will spill out, raw and messy and impossible to put back together.
But not tonight. Please, not tonight.
“If everything is all clear, Dr. Ritchie is going to insert an IUD today. It’s more effective than the pill. And I’ll make him use protection.”
Maren snorts. “You’re a terrible liar. You never could keep a straight face. I still have no idea how you kept this a secret for so long.”
