Page 47 of Significant
Me:No, I’m not ready.
Aaron:But you share it with me, hm?
Crap.
It doesn’t mean anything. We’re nothing more than an obsession, right?
Me:Don’t get too cocky. I show it to you because I know you’re ‘hard to please’ and brutally honest.
Even I don’t believe in my own lie. I showed it to him because an unconscious part of me wants him to feel proud of me. It’s bad. Very bad.
I check the time. I’m late. I’m supposed to go for a coffee with Tania and our new intern Joshua. He moved to New York last month and doesn’t have any friends in the city. He is very handsome—perfect shiny hair, hazel eyes, a bit younger than us, great sense of fashion, and totally playing for the other team.
Aaron:That’s not the only thing hard about me right now, you know.
I’m never gonna leave if I don’t end this discussion. But my stomach turns. What if he is with another woman right now? No. Stop. Don’t go there. Too late.
Me:Good thing you just won a Grand Prix, it’s gonna be easier to find one of those groupies to help you with your problem.
Classy, Elle. First, I admit I just stalked him on TV—buying the F1 TV chain just for him. And then, that I’m jealous of whatever women at his feet.
Aaron:Well, maybe I want you to help me with my problem. My hand will do, though.
You. He said you. Don’t smile.
Me: Use your imagination, Wolf! Got to go! Xx
I pull off apron, turn off my phone, washed my hands, still smiling before rushing to the coffee bar around the corner, paint probably still on my face.
“We should go to a club to celebrate!” Joshua’s excitement makes me laugh.
My birthday is in two weeks, therefore it’s a call to celebration for my friends. Clubbing, a thing I haven’t done since… Aaron. Stop blushing.Maybe I should invite him?
“That’s so unfair, I’m single to death while you have a hot male model as a boyfriend,” she addresses to Joshua before turning to face me, rolling her eyes. “And you, a fucking Formula 1 driver.”
“He’s not my boyfriend, Tania. I don’t even know where we stand.” They both stare at me, eyes wide open, eager for some details. “It’s just, we talk, often. And when we’re together, I feel alive, you know?”
“It sounds like a relationship to me, you’re just too blind to see it.” Joshua smiles.
“That said, friends with benefits is the best kind of relationship,” Tania comments in a sarcastic tone.
“I don’t know, it’s not like we have a future anyway.” I take a deep breath. “One day, it’ll be all over.”
Joshua’s eyes bore into mine, full of concern. “Opening your heart isn’t easy, but maybe you should tell him how you feel?”
I shake my head as a no. “You’re too romantic for this world. People are tempted to crush your feelings if you show an ounce of vulnerability.”
Not that I feel anything for Wolf.
Not that I’m terrified of feeling something for him.
Not that I do.
Tania encourages me to get physical with Aaron as Joshua encourages me to connect with him emotionally. But there is this thing with three words. They are always so hard to say: I miss you. I love you. I need you. They can be magnificent to hear, but yet self-destructive if the person doesn’t say it back to you. Three words can break you. I’ll never say those words. My past ruins them for me. Plus, with Aaron, I need only two words:my significant.
“I’m sorry I gotta go. I have a deadline.” Tania hugs the both of us before leaving. “Don’t overthinking this, Elle. Just enjoy the present time, okay?”
It’s what I did. And now my heart is involved into a point of no return.
