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“Open your legs,” I order, and she looks over me shyly like she’s ashamed of something.
She finally opens her legs, probably noticing it wouldn’t be negotiable, and allows me full access. Burying my head between her legs, my mouth starts to explore her, preparing her for what’s to come, even if she is already wet and ready for my touch. She gasps for air and seizes the sheets next to her as I drift my attention to her clit. Kissing it. Licking it. Sucking it. She grips my hair with her hands, like she wants to push my head deeper into her. Not that I would mind.
“You taste divine,” I groan, and her moans increase. She’s getting me hard just by watching her lose control.
If I’m being honest, I never liked going down on a woman. I was an asshole, I took my blowjob and never gave anything back. It was hard sex with women who knew what they were doing and whose faces I’ve never really seen. It was never about emotions. But her, she’s different. I want to watch her come, tingling with pleasure under my touch, I want to treat her right.
I continue to kiss her, my tongue and lips claiming her clit, as I feel her climax nearing. I stroke one finger inside her before she starts to call out my name from her sweet mouth, which almost makes me jerk off. I increase my pace, sucking her clit harder, pushing more pressure into her core, and squeeze one of her breasts while she arches her back even more. I stroke another finger inside, tug her nipple around my forefinger, while my tongue pushes into her clit and she explodes. I maintain the pace, letting her enjoy her orgasm as long as she can. She starts to relax once her orgasm crashes all around her, and I pull over, watching her out of breath with a satisfied smile on her face. She looks flushed. Good. I lick my lips, swallowing the last taste of her. I usher over her fully as she clutches our bodies together, her breasts connecting with my chest.
“That was very good,” she whispers while my lips collide with hers. “No man ever did that.” I tense when she speaks of the other bastards unworthy of her. But that is the past. I stroke her cheek softly, knowing I’ll give her many orgasms to come.
Her hand starts to cup my manhood as her lips curve into a smile. Damn. She was always so shy to touch me here, I never wanted to impose on her, or ask her to do anything she didn’t want. She starts to stroke me, and I fall on my back next to her, allowing her to be on top. I’m already hard from going down on her, and if she continues to tease me, I could come right here. I caress her back while she kisses my chest, stroking me faster. The feel of her touching my cock feels so good that my muscles start to tense of pleasure. But when I cup her nape to lean her over to kiss me, her eyes are drawn with fear. Something is terrifying her. She lowers herself over my cock to suck me, but something feels wrong. I fucking want her mouth on me, and it takes all the strength in the world to pull her body on my lap, preventing her of doing something she was obviously doing because I went down on her. I want her willing.
“Ma belle, what happened?”
When she notices my concern, she glances away, afraid to look into my eyes. “You know, before you, I slept with one man only.” That Stephan asshole, what did he do to her? He didn’t deserve her. “And Stephan, he forced me to…” She looks over my manhood as she starts to feel embarrassed. I give her a kiss, encouraging her to go on. “Suck him. Hard. He didn’t care if I would vomit, or if I felt like a whore. He said it was my job to do this. That men want this.” My jaw clenches, and I promise myself if I ever meet this bastard, I’ll give him a lesson. I’ll shove his dick in his head. “That he would cheat if I never gave him this. And I don’t want to lose you.” Her voice is weak and shuddering.
I don’t want to lose you.God, Elle.Like she thought I’d cheat on her if I didn’t have a blowjob? I would never treat her like that. I’m not a bastard. At least, not with her. Sure, her sweet mouth on me would make me come in record time, but I’m not an animal. I can wait. I stroke her cheeks, forcing her to catch my gaze. “That man was an asshole. You’ll not lose me, and if one day you want to try—I’d not force you.” I switch positions, pulling myself on top of her, before scanning her lovely face. “I’ll make love to your mouth, the same way I’m doing with your body. It’s not fucking between us.” On that note, I kiss her. “And if you don’t want to, as I told you before, it’s fine.”
She relaxes, and I start regaining my hardness as her hands caress my back. “Will you make love to me tonight?”
She didn’t need to repeat this twice. “Yes.”
She assures me she’s on the pill. Good. I don’t want a piece of latex to come between us. She wraps her legs around my back as she bites her lower lip playfully. The thought of Stephan touching and hurting her has made me so angry and possessive. Not having her for so long has escalated my need to claim her body. But what if… what if I’m incapable of being sweet?
“I’m afraid to hurt—” I stop, cursing myself for saying my thought out loud. I kiss her neck, praying she didn’t hear me.
She cups my cheeks with her hands, staring into my soul. “I won’t hurt you.”
I snort; I wasn’t talking about her. “No, I’m afraid to hurt you. That I’ll become like my father if I lose control.”
The image of my mother haunts my mind. All the pain I witnessed in my childhood. Maybe our past doesn’t define us, but it clearly shapes us. I want to treat her right, but what if my desire for her ends up hurting her? I’ve been raised to treat women badly, and with what she suffered from her ex, someone like me would only destroy her. I have to always be careful. What if I inflict on her what my bloody father did to the women? Fucking like an animal, breaking her.
She smiles before kissing me again. “You’ll not. Now, make love to me, Wolf.”
And so I oblige. I enter her slowly, letting her adjust to my length. She’s tight, which hardens my cock even more. Our tongues dance together, my heartbeat slamming across my chest. My hips flex gently against her, pushing deeper each time. I kiss her neck as she tightens the grip of her legs around me. I thrust into her, changing the angles to hit her with pleasure, finding the right spot. She moans, her fingers raking my back, before I take her hands into mine and pull them to each side of her head. She digs her nails on my skin, toughening the grip of our clutching hands. I push deeper into her, kissing her collarbone as she arches her back, serving her hard nipples next to my face as temptation. I lick, suck, kiss, before I bury my full cock into her.
I remain at a controlled pace, probably the first tier of what I could do to her. Pushing deep but slow, and it feels… insanely good. This is lovemaking. The opposite of who I am. Pure and sweet. Emotional. In each of my thrusts, her body responds to mine. She rolls her hips. Kisses my neck. Her soul pierces me through her eyes. It’s mutual ownership.
I let go of her hands, rub the rough pads of my fingers along her cheekbones before kissing her fully. When her eyelids close, her breath quickens, and I know she is close. I push deeper, accentuating my pace, as her eyebrows frown with pleasure and her lips part. I pull my head into her neck, grabbing her butt cheek, making her come for the second time, reaching my release at the same time. Slowly but strongly.
We stay in that position for a couple of minutes before I roll to the other side of the bed, staring at the ceiling. She tries to reach for something to wear and get away from the bed, but I take her hand and bring her back to me. She stares at me in confusion, clearly not used to my display of affection. I open my arm, leading her to lie on my chest, and she obliges happily. I caress her hair, my arm wrapped protectively around her. She hugs me, her fingers caressing my torso, and I kiss her forehead.
Mine.
I’ve never been hugged or hugged anyone before her. I thought it would weaken me, and honestly, I’ve never felt the need to get close to someone. But having her in my arms feels good and right. I can’t let her go. She’s mine to protect. Mine, to lie naked with. Mine, to take care of. She starts to relax on my chest, and I wait for her to fall asleep.
When I know she’s fully sleeping a few hours later, I continue stroking her hair, watching her angelic, peaceful face sleep like a creep. I move away without awakening her and put her under her covers. I cannot sleep with her, not that I don’t want to. I couldn’t. As I said, she’s mine and I couldn’t forgive myself if I hurt her again. If I had a nightmare and she discovered what happened to me, she wouldn’t forgive me. Losing her would break me.
So I walk toward her living room and sleep on the couch, knowing she will be safe from me.
And I’m planning on doing that every fucking night.
Crushing my demons
Aaron and I make progress during his winter break. I’ve been sleeping at his place, or he at mine. He hugs me every night, and it feels good. But I know after I fall asleep, he goes to sleep on the couch. His nightmare and what he did to me is still haunting him and bruising him. He’ll need time to heal.
Last week he went to his pre-season testing and being apart from him was harder than I thought it would be. The first race of the season will start in two weeks, and I’m hoping by then to be able to reach his heart.
