Page 49 of Arranged Addiction
I touch his arm. My fingers are trembling, and his face is very calm, but I feel the urge to comfort him. “I’m so sorry.”
“It was a long time ago. I’m telling you that story so I can say that I understand the nightmares better than you realize. I had them for months after Sean died.”
“How did you make them stop?”
“Eventually, the pain softened. I made some changes in my life. I dedicated myself to the family and swore I’d never do stupid shit like that again. I learned to be disciplined. I don’t take chances that aren’t completely necessary. I took Sean’s death and I let it push me onto my path.”
I squeeze his arm. My fingers dig into his muscle. He doesn’t seem to mind. “Right now, everything’s all murky. I don’t know if there’s anything to learn from what happened to Natalie.”
“You take what you can. You’ll find ways to move on. There’s nothing else you can do.”
“That feels impossible.”
He shifts and puts an arm around my shoulders. I step closer, heart racing. Why am I letting this happen? Worse, why do Iwantit to happen? He glances at me, face tense, and his body’s so warm.
“You’re at the bottom right now. You’re trapped in the ravine. Grief’s that way. It sucks you into the deeps and it holds you there. But the old clichés are true. Time softens things. Maybe it doesn’t heal all your wounds, but it makes them ache less.”
“The sick thing is I don’t want to forget this feeling, you know what I mean? I think I owe it to Natalie to hold on to her for as long as I can.”
“Nobody says you have to let her go.” He turns to face me. His hands are on my hips. I stare up into his eyes as he takes my glass of wine and places it down on the end table beside his. “But life doesn’t stop.”
“It did for her.”
“But it won’t for you.”
“All I want is a good night’s sleep right now. That’s all I really want.”
“Let me help you.”
“How?”
He leans down. His fingers grip me tighter. “You know how,” he whispers, his mouth inches from mine. “All you have to do is ask.”
My stomach’s a nervous wreck. My heart’s racing into my throat. I want him more than I’ve ever wanted a person in my life.I know what he promises. Bliss and pleasure. Pain and a few minutes of forgetting. If I give myself to him, there won’t be anything but his touch.
Do I deserve that? Shouldn’t I suffer?
Natalie’s dead because of me.
But I’m alive and so is Declan.
“Please,” I whisper, my lips parting. “Please, sir.”
He kisses me. It’s a blistering, needy kiss, like he’s been struggling not to dominate me with his lips every second we’ve been together since that first time. I surrender to him because that feels better than thinking or acting or doing anything at all. I kiss him back, our tongues tangling, teeth jangling, desperate and hungry in the darkness. His taste is mint and wine. I love it and want more.
He pins me back against the window and puts both hands up my crop top, palming my breasts. I moan into his mouth as he teases my nipples. His hands are strong and firm. One remains on my chest while the other slowly snakes down to my little sleep shorts. I’m trembling against him, breathing hard as he strokes down between my legs with one hand. The other comes up my top, my breasts resting against his forearm, his palm wrapping around my throat lightly. He bites my lower lip and grips my chin.
“All mine, little flower,” he murmurs, stroking my pussy over my shorts over and over, kneading gently, sending pangs of bliss into my core. “Are you going to be a good girl tonight? Are you going to do exactly what I say?”
“Yes, sir,” I moan as he tightens his hand around my throat. “Whatever you want, sir.”
“That’s what I like to hear. You’re such a good, polite girl. You know what I want to hear. You know how to get what you want, too.” His hand between my legs flips up beneath the hem of my shorts. I whimper as he teases over my panties. “I’ve been a good boss, haven’t I? Hard but fair?”
“Yes, sir,” I moan. God, it feels so good.
“I’m hard on you, Casey, because I know you can handle it.” He slips down my panties and palms my pussy. A low rumble of approval releases from his lips. “You’re so fucking wet. Did I say you were allowed to get this soaking wet?”
“No… but… I can’t help it.”
