Page 78 of Arranged Addiction
I’ve never seen him like this before. Maybe that’s what makes me do it. He’s so deeply concerned, and his attention is entirely focused on me. It’s addicting in a terrible way.
I get my clothes off and climb into the tub. It’s luxuriously warm. I sink down, but the water’s not full enough yet to fully cover me.
“It’s okay. You can look.”
He turns, and a thrill runs into my core.
I like the way he stares. There’s a deep, animalistic hunger in his expression. But he’s also fighting against it.
Slowly, he rolls up his sleeves, showing off his muscular forearms. Veins are roped down to his wrists. He kneels beside the tub and grabs a loofah and some soap.
“Sit forward,” he orders.
“It’s okay, Declan, really. I can just relax here?—”
“Forward, Ms. Brennan.” The husky way he says it makes my cheeks tingle.
I do as he says.
He washes my back. He does it so gently and lovingly. His touches are caresses. His fingertips are so soft and soothing. As he cleans me, he tells me that everything’s going to be okay, that he’ll never let anyone get close to me ever again, that he’s so sorry he’s been keeping distance between us.
“I don’t blame you,” I say, and I can tell that doesn’t help. He flinches like I slapped him.
“Maybe you don’t, but I do.” He focuses on every inch of my skin, cleaning me until I’m fresh and new. The water suds up and bubbles slick the top layer, covering some of my body.
This doesn’t feel sexual. At least not only that. The way he’s looking at me is like he’s trying to atone for a failure. He wants to make sure I’m okay, and I think giving me this bath is his attempt at revitalizing me after a really horrible moment.
And it’s working. That’s the weirdest thing. I’ve never had someone give me attention like this before. I would’ve thought I’d hate it, but this is actually really nice. I think it’s because I know he loves every single inch of me, every flaw, every imperfection. He lingers on my hands, on my elbows, on my knees and shins, like these less commonly touched parts of meare just as important as everything else. He’s concentrating on me so hard I feel like I might break apart under his attention.
I like it though. I’m still mad at him, but he did save my life. I also can’t pretend like he doesn’t care.
Declan might actually care too much.
“You should have told me sooner,” I say quietly once I’m fully clean. He sits with his back against the side of the tub. I watch his chest rising and falling.
“You might be right,” he admits, which is a minor miracle. I don’t think he’s ever said those words before.
“Why didn’t you? Honestly, just tell me the truth.”
“I was afraid.” His shoulders tense slightly, and he turns his face. He looks at me in his peripheral. “I had just broken all my rules. I’d given in to the one addiction I swore I’d never take. You were finally mine, but I was conflicted. I thought I was making a mistake. But I didn’t want to scare you away.”
“You probably would have,” I mumble, admitting it to him as much as to myself. “But that’s not a good excuse.”
“You’re probably right. I’m sorry, Casey.”
“Sheila was involved the whole time. That part really bothers me for some reason.”
“Don’t blame her. She did what was best for both of you. I wasn’t involved in your life beyond giving her money and using my influence to further your education and opportunities. She sent me updates, but I ignored them for the most part.”
“At least until one included a picture of me going to college.” I laugh softly. The idea seems so absurd and crazy. “Which one was it, by the way?”
“You were standing outside your dorm in a tank top, your cheeks flushed red from moving in. You had on a pair of sweats and sneakers. Your hair was up and messy from working. There was a box on the ground beside you filled with books. You were saying something, mid-laugh maybe. You looked so beautiful and confident.”
I stare at him, heart quickening. “I remember that one.”
“I don’t know why Sheila sent it. But I’m glad she did.”
I close my eyes and sink lower. A part of me is glad she did too. “After that though? You got more involved?”
