Page 17 of Bullet
Bullet steps forward, pulling it from my hand.
“You want to go to rehab, too? I have no problem driving you myself.”
“Fuck you. You don’t get a say on what I do. I’m an adult now. I’ll take care of myself. I’m only allowing you to be here because if I don’t, I know Reaper will send someone to drag my ass to the clubhouse,” I spit at him, moving to grab another bottle.
Bullet tries to take it from me too, but I step out of his reach.
“Stop trying to control my life,” I groan.
“I’m trying to keep you from making a mistake. If you keep drinking and doing drugs, you are going to become an addict for the rest of your life. You never get rid of that stigma once you do. Not only will others always question you, but that feeling inside that makes you crave that numbness never goes away. I’m trying to save you.”
“I didn’t ask to be saved!” I scream at him.
“You didn’t have to. I want to save you. Need to.”
“Why? Why do you even fucking care?” I throw my hands up in the air.
He doesn’t answer me, though. He looks away. That’s enough to get my blood boiling.
“Fine. You want the bottle so bad, fucking take it.”
I throw it at him with all my strength. I expected him to duck, but he wasn’t looking. Instead, as he looks up, it hits him in the head, smashing to a million pieces.
My heart skips a beat as I stare at him. Blood starts to flow from his brow.
Oh god, I hurt him.
My heart races as I sway, staring at the blood.
I’m as shocked as he is. His body is soaked in the liquor as the blood drips onto the floor. We both stand there and stare at one another for a moment.
Then I crumple to the floor.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I cry, not able to hold in my emotions.
Bullet is next to me within seconds, smelling of bourbon and copper. He is still bleeding, but he pays no attention to himself. Instead, he holds my face in his hands.
“Harlee, stop. Angel, I’m okay. It’s okay.”
I collapse into his arms as he holds me. I can feel his blood on my skin, but I don’t care.
I need this.
I need him.
“I don’t know how to live in a world without my mom. She held everything together. Then she was gone, and dad was too. He didn’t care anymore. I don’t know how to be alone.”
He rocks me back and forth. “You’re not alone. You’ll never be alone. I’m here.”
I want to believe him, but if my mom could leave my dad the way she did, Bullet could leave me. He could tear my heart out and leave me living yet dead at the same time.
I don’t voice that, though. Instead, I let him comfort me. I soak in every bit of affection he is giving me. Tomorrow, I might be back to the cold, calloused girl I have had to become to survive, but for tonight, I let myself be the seventeen-year-old girl who thought her mother would always be alive. The same girl who thought her dad hung the moon and only wanted a boy to notice her.
If I had known I would get his attention, but I would lose everything, I never would have wished for it. You can’t turn backtime, though. All you can do is wade through the mess after your life implodes.
“I don’t want to do this anymore,” I admit to him, tears running down my face.
“Then don’t. Choose to pick yourself up and get your life together. It hurts like hell, but it will get better eventually. You’ll never fully be rid of the pain, but it won’t control you as it does now. You need to make the decision to stop holding onto the pain and let it go. Give it the opportunity to escape you.”
