Page 18 of Bullet
I wish I knew how to do what he is saying. It sounds so easy, but it is anything but. One day, I hope I can look back and think about my mom without this agonizing pain sitting on my chest.
For now, I chose to embrace the pain, letting it all come out as Bullet holds me in his arms.
I cling to the safety his arms bring me and let myself feel the emotions I have tried to hide for the past two years.
Then I let it all go.
She cried in my arms for hours. It didn’t matter that my head was bleeding. I sat there and held her until her breathing evened out.
I would give this woman my soul if she asked for it. If I could break every bone in my body just to heal her pain, I would. I would die if it meant bringing Eleanor back to her.
I can’t do any of that, though. Instead, all I can do is sit by feeling like a useless piece of shit while she struggles to process her emotions. The fact that I can’t do anything to ease her pain eats at my soul each and every day. I wasn’t supposed to feel likethis for her, but the last two years have brought us closer. She was a bratty teen before. Someone I would have never looked at, but watching her through this grief has shown me the woman she is turning into. It’s not too late for her to get back on the right path, and I’m determined to make sure she gets there.
I’m hoping tonight was a step forward for her. I really need it to be. I don’t know what else I can do to help her. She’s seeing a therapist now. She’s broken down and let her emotions out instead of numbing them. I’m showing her that I am here for her every step of the way.
There is nothing else I can do but wait.
Be patient.
Standing, I sweep her up into my arms. She looks so peaceful, even with the tears dried on her face. She is a beautiful woman inside and out. I miss the sassy girl who would give as good as she got. That girl was going to be a spitfire of a woman.
She still can be, but she is a little lost right now. I only hope I can help her find her way.
Walking down the hall, I keep Harlee close to me. I don’t want to let her go, but I know I need to. I can’t be here when she wakes up. That will be crossing lines that I’m not allowed to cross.
Still, after I tuck her into bed, I sit next to her, caressing her hair. I hate that my blood stains her skin, but I’m too afraid to wake her. Thankfully, my head stopped bleeding at some point, but not before it branded her.
“I won’t leave you,” I tell her sleeping body. “I’ll be here as long as you will have me.”
Leaning over, I kiss her forehead. Then I leave her room, shutting the door quietly behind me. I rest my back on the door and remind myself that this is what is best for her in the long run. She is a strong woman. She will make it through this.
Still, it kills me every time I see her breaking. I do my best to hold her together, but I don’t always know how to.
Pushing off from her door, I stop in the bathroom to take a look at my head. It won’t need stitches, but I clean it up anyway.
Then I take an inventory of the rest of the house. It’s obvious that Honk had a bigger problem than we realized. The number of half-drunk alcohol bottles around the house is astounding. I hate to go through their things, but I can’t leave it like this. I need to find every drop so that Harlee won’t be tempted.
It takes me several hours to go through and find everything while also cleaning and putting the house back in order. It’s nearly dawn when I finally finish. It feels good to see the place back in order. Hopefully, she will feel the same.
I’m about to go check on her when my phone rings. Seeing it’s Reaper, I answer.
“What’s up?” I ask him.
“We need you in church.”
I frown, “I don’t want to leave Harlee alone. She had a rough night.”
“I’ll send the new prospect over to keep an eye on her. It’s important.”
I sigh. “I’ll be there when he gets here.”
There’s silence before he speaks again. “How is she really doing?”
“Honestly, not good. She doesn’t know how to make sense of her life. It’s as if Eleanor died last night, not two years ago. She has been stuck in this loop, and I have no idea how to get her out of it.”
“Hopefully, Honk getting help will be the catalyst for her to start to heal. It couldn’t have been easy to see one parent killing themselves while the other was already dead.”
He’s not wrong. It was my main worry about Honk drinking so excessively. The guys didn’t want to intervene sooner, though.They had hoped he would get his life together for Harlee. The only problem is that he would have had to see Harlee for that to happen. He was stuck in his own nightmare so deeply that he couldn’t see his daughter.
