Page 30 of Bullet
“This is your last chance to back out,” Wrath murmurs.
“Honestly, the idea of backing out didn’t even cross my mind,” I tell him.
“Good. Now let’s go grab a drink. Hopefully, by this time next week, we will have an idea of what’s going to happen next,” Reaper says as he stands.
Getting up, I follow them out of the room.
This still doesn’t feel right to me, but at the end of the day, I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make sure William’s plans fall through and he dies for good.
After everything he’s done to us, all the lives he’s taken, it’s the least I can do.
The guilt weighs on me. I pushed Bullet too far.
I think subconsciously, I was testing him. Now I’m wondering if that was a good idea.
Bullet was right about one thing, though. I need to get my shit together. I am tired of always being in a state of crisis.
I won’t admit it, but him saying my mom would be disappointed in me really hit home too. When I sat back and thought about it, he was right. Sure, she was open about my sexuality and need to grow up, but she wouldn’t have approved of my behavior recently.
She might be gone, but I still want to make her proud. I’m her legacy. I want people to remember how good she was when they look at me. Not see the mess she left behind.
So I’m going to be better.
If only Bullet weren’t acting so indifferent to me. He still comes and guards my place, but it wasn’t like before. He’s not coddling me anymore. I can’t say I like it. I depended on the attention he was giving me. It was the only thing that kept me going, but when it suddenly stopped? I saw the truth.
I was living in a vicious cycle. If I don’t want to keep down that dark road, I need to make some changes. The first one being therapy. I need to give it a real shot.
When I step from my room, I expect to find Bullet waiting for me, but he’s not. In his place is a pretty little blonde who has become so important to this club.
“Natalie, what are you doing here?” I ask.
She turns and smiles at me. “Bullet had a club errand, and I wanted to check in. You don’t mind, do you?”
I shake my head. “Not at all. I have therapy, though.”
“I know. At the hospital. If you’re ready, we can head that way.”
“Yes. Of course.” I grab my purse and house keys.
Once we are in the car, Natalie starts talking.
“I know things have been rough for you, but I’m here for you if you ever want to talk about it.”
I look down at my hands in my lap. Before my epiphany, I would have told her thank you and then ignored her, but I’m trying to be a better person. I don’t want to live in despair anymore.
“I don’t know how to live without her. She was my best friend,” I admit.
“Oh, honey. I can’t say I understand. My parents were shit, but your mother loved you very much. She wouldn’t want you to live in misery without her,” Natalie tells me.
“I know, but I don’t know how not to be like this. It’s like I lost her, but then I lost my dad too. Then I was in this pit of grief and I couldn’t find my way out. All I could do was numb the pain. Every single day, I wake up and remember she’s gone, and all I feel is this overwhelming pain in my chest.” I press my hand to my chest. “I can’t breathe some days. I want her back.”
My tears start to fall. This is usually when I text Skyla and ask where the party is. Where I would lose myself to the numbinstead of feeling this pain, but not today. Today, I let it pierce me.
Natalie starts crying as well, as she reaches over and squeezes my hand before looking back out the windshield.
“Grief comes in all forms. Some people can move on as if nothing happened, but grieve internally. Others spiral like you have been doing. There is no right or wrong way to feel here.”
“Maybe not, but I haven’t acted right since it happened. It’s been two years. Shouldn’t I be back to normal?” I ask her.
