Page 40 of Bullet
She nods. “So this is pointless. We are friends. I want to be your friend. I can’t lose another person I care about, so this is how it has to be.”
I hate that she’s right. If it were just me, I would claim her and we could run off into the sunset. I won’t take her from the only family she has known, though. Not when she has already lost so much.
She thinks I won’t defy them, but I would in a heartbeat if I thought it was what was best for her.
That’s the problem with loving someone. You are willing to do anything in your power to make their life better, even if it makes yours worse.
I don’t think I can handle seeing her flirt with another man the way I flirted with that woman, but she is proving to be stronger than I am. She is brushing it off and pretending to be unaffected. I hate that, but at the same time, I’m grateful.
One day, she will find someone else and I’ll go nomad because I know I won’t be able to live near her and not have her.
“You should go. I’ll be home later if you want to watch a movie or something or send the prospect. I’ll understand.”
She turns away from me and goes back to her work.
My heart hurts, but I leave her there, wondering if I will ever recover from loving Harlee.
Ican feel him staring at me from across the couch. It’s getting harder and harder to ignore the way he looks at me. To say things have been awkward between us since our run-in at the bookstore would be an understatement.
Something between us changed that day, only I’m not sure what. I knew loving Bullet was a lost cause, but that didn’t change the way I felt about him, or really how I feel about him now. I just never expected to get a front row seat to watch him move on with somebody else. It hurts.
Friends. We’re supposed to be just friends, but I’ve never had a friend look at me the way he does.
When did that happen? In the haze that I’ve lived in for the past two years, he stopped looking at me like a child and started looking at me as something more. Or it seems that way.
Maybe I’m imagining it all. It wouldn’t be the first time. Maybe I should bring this up to my therapist.
Bullet shifts and stares directly at me, not even pretending to watch what’s playing on the TV.
“You’re staring,” I say quietly.
“So what if I am?”
“How do you think your new girlfriend would feel about that?” I ask bitterly.
Bullet sucks in a breath. “Harlee—”
“I’m just saying I don’t think she would appreciate you looking at another girl the way you’re looking at me if I was her,” I say, cutting him off.
I want him to deny it. I want him to tell me that he’s not seeing her. I want him to tell me that I’m the only one he’s interested in, but I know it won’t happen. I’ve caught him texting her when he doesn’t think I’m looking.
It stings. It fucking stings.
It’s only been a couple days of this shit, and I don’t know how much more I could take. Maybe if my parents had another kid, I would be better at sharing.
I should leave. I should pack up my car and grab my first check from Midnight and take off. It’s not like he’ll notice. It’s not like any of them will notice.
My phone vibrates on the coffee table next to me, and I look over and see Skyla’s name flash across the screen. Reaching over, I decline her call.
A small part of me feels bad for ignoring her, but I know it’s for the best. I know if I were to answer her call, I’d be tempted to start partying again.
I can’t. I can’t fall down that rabbit hole again. Not when I’m finally starting to think clearly for the first time in I don’t know how long.
My phone vibrates again, and I see her name flash across the screen.
Goddammit. Why can’t she get a hint? Why can’t any of them realize that I’m ignoring them? That I want nothing to do with them? Once again, I decline her call, and when she tries for the third time, I grab my phone and put “do not disturb” on.
Then I go into my settings and make it so the important people can still get a hold of me. Like Bullet, Tara, Midnight, and the rest of the club.
