Page 52 of Bullet
Now everyone knows who she belongs to, even though I’m not supposed to have her.
She’s mine.
Always has been. Always will be.
It’s been a week since my little party with Skyla, and things between Bullet and me have been weird.
It’s like this in-between thing we have going on. We are friends, but sometimes it feels like we are more.
We hang out and watch TV or go out to eat, but there is this tension clouding everything. It used to be me yearning for him all the time, but there is this look in his eye that tells me that he might just feel the same.
I have no idea how I feel about it. I knew how to act when there was no shot in hell that he would ever want to be with me. I knew the game to play when he was held back by the threat of my father.
Now I feel like those walls are nothing but ant hills to him. Things for him to scale without another thought as he claims the things he wants most.
I think the thing he wants most is me.
It brings me joy as much as it scares me.
What if I get everything I ever wanted and it turns out not to live up to the hype?
I need to call in reinforcements on this one. I wish my mom were here. She used to be the person I would go to about my crushes. She knew how I felt about Bullet and would always make me feel better when I would cry to her about the boy who never looked my way. She once told me that one day he would take notice, but I never truly believed her.
Now I wish I had asked her what I do when he does.
Instead, I make my way to the clubhouse, hoping one of the girls is here. When I step inside, I’m happy to see Lainey and Kaitlyn inside, their kids playing in the middle of the floor.
“It seems your twins really love playing mom to the baby,” I tell Lainey as I take a seat at the table they have claimed as their own.
“Yeah. He’s still at that cute age. Give it two or three years, and he will be a terror and they won’t want him,” Kaitlyn jokes.
“I wish I could say it gets better, but I got to skip that part,” Lainey tells her.
“What are you up to?” Kaitlyn asks me.
“Honestly? I was looking for some advice. I was hoping I’d find one of you here,” I tell them.
“Well, you got two of us, so spill the tea, girl,” Lainey says.
I laugh. “I don’t know if it’s tea, exactly. I feel like something is changing.”
“You’re changing. I can tell you that. When I met you, you were depressed. You didn’t have any light inside of you. Now, you are shining again. The dark cloud you have been carrying around isn’t in sight.” Lainey pats my hand.
“I feel that. Therapy has really been helping. I didn’t want to go at first, but I think I needed to. I’m learning to deal with my grief rather than wallow in it. Honestly, I feel like I have been in a mist for the past two years and now that everything is clearing, I can see the sun again.” I admit to them both.
“It is showing. You are truly a magnificent woman, and now the world is getting to see that.”
“You’re right. That’s not what is changing, though. I mean, things between me and Bullet have been changing.” I whisper the last part, not wanting any of the brothers that might be around to hear.
“How so?” Lainey asks.
I shrug. “He has always been protective, but it always felt platonic, much to my chagrin. I have had a crush on him since I was sixteen. Then Mom died, and I lost sight of life, but now that I am coming back into myself, I feel like there is this underlying tension with us. The other night when we rode on his bike, he grabbed my thigh. That is a total possessive thing to do to show other bikers who the other person belongs to, but we aren’t like that. At least, I didn’t think we were.”
“Maybe he wants to be. You aren’t a teen anymore. He has been by your side through the thick of it. Maybe he is seeing you as a woman now, and he likes what he sees,” Kaitlyn offers.
“Would he risk his spot in the club and the ire of my father, though?” I ask the question I really want to know.
“We can’t answer that for you. Only he can. I will say that when a man truly loves a woman, he is willing to do anything he needs to in order to make her happy. Look at what Midnight did for me. He protected me at all costs,” Lainey says.
